two students wer caught naked having sex in a classrum

JANITOR: aha! violating school rules!
BOY: wat rule??
JANITOR: (thinking) NOT WEARING UNFORM!!! HAHAHA




ahihih...

basag!

May bagong sports motorcycle si bf. Mabilis niya itong pinapatakbo habang nakayakap sa kanya ang kanyang gf sa likod.
Ngunit eto nga namang si bf, talagang napaka-ututin. Naghanap siya ng mga bato at ipinadaan ang motorsiklo dito, habang siya ay umu-utot.
BUMP! POOT! BUMP! POOTT!!! BUMP!!!!
Walang sinabi ang gf so nakahinga ng maluwag si bf.
Pero nauutot nanaman siya. Naghanap siya ng lubak at ipinadaan ang motorsiklo dito habang umuutot.
SPLASH! POOTT!!! SPLASH!!! POOTT!!!SPLASH!!!
Walang sinabi si gf. Natuwa si bf dahil nakatakas nanaman siya sa matinding hiya.
Pero nauutot nanaman siya. May nakita siyang humps pero malayo pa. Binilisan niya ang takbo ng motorsiklo...
EEEEENNNNGGGGG!!!!! RRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Malapit na.... malapit na.... EEEENNNNGGGG!!!!!!
Ngunit bago niya na-abot ang humps hindi niya na napigilan ang pag-utot.
PPPOOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!!
Sabay sabi ng kanyang gf "Belat! Hindi naabutan!"

Si pedro galing sa comfort room pagkatapos kumain sa isang restaurant.

tanong ng janitor: nag flush ka ba?
wika ni pedro: hindi ako nag plus na minus ako

werngks!!!!!!!

Vampire Session


Isang araw my 3 bampira na naguusap sa isang club;

Rich Vampire: Pa order nga ng Fresh blood..

Middle Class Vampire: Ako naman ung Dinuguan..

Poor Vampire: Sa akin, Hot water nalang..

Waiter: Bakit po Hot Water lang ang order ninyo?

Poor Vampire: Paano naman eh nakapulot ako ng napkin sa daan kanina, mag te-tea nalang ako..

Isang bata, nagpasa ng blank paper sa art teacher..a

Teacher: Bakit blank ang work mo?

Bata: Nagdrawing po ako ng baka at damo.

Teacher: (tinignan ulit ang papel) San ang damo?

Bata: Ubos na po,kinain ng baka.

Teacher: (kamot sa ulo) Eh nasaan yong baka?

Bata: Ano pa gagawin ng baka dyan, eh wala ng damo? syempre umalis na po. Common sense naman mam

Dictionary for Women

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries
, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card

.“Ways To Know You Are A Filipino”

1. You point with your lips
2. You nod upwards to greet someone.
3. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir".
4. You smile for no reason.
5. You flirt by having a foolish grin in your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
6. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
7. You add an unwarranted "H" to your name, i.e. "Jhun," "Bhoy," "Rhon."
8. You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV
9. You like everything imported or "state-side."
10. You Check the labels on clothes to see where it was made before buying.
11. You always offer food to all your visitors.
12. You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
13. You say "for take out" instead of "to go."
14. You asked for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
15. You asked for a "pentel-pen" or a "ball-pen" instead of just "pen."
16. You order a McDonald's instead of "hamburger"(pronounced ham-boor-jer)
17. You say "Ha?" instead of "What."
18. You say "Hoy" to get someone's attention.
19. You answer when someone yells "Hoy."
20. You turn around when someone says "Psst!"
21. Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."
22. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for over acting, or "TNT" for, well, you know.
23. You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
24. You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."
25. You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room.
26. You own a Karaoke System.
27. You own a piano that no one ever plays.
28. You own a "barrel man" (you pull up the barrel and you see something that looks familiar. schwing...)
29. You refer to your VCR as a "beytamax
30. You have a giant wooden fork and spoon hanging somewhere in the dining room
31. Your car has too many "burloloys" like a Jipneys back in P.I.
32. You hang a Rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
33. You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."
34. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as "Ajinomoto"
35. This you 'll agree 100% ... Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character in a fairytale.

USE IN A SENTENCE...

1. Use KITCHEN and CURTAIN in a sentence.
...Wag mo akong CURTAIN masa KITCHEN.

2. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence.
...(phone rings).....Hello? Who
SCHOOLING?

3. Use AFFECT in a sentence.
...Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond
ring.

4. Use ADIEU in a sentence.
...If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill
you.

5. Use DECANTER in a sentence.
...You can order that medicine over
DECANTER.

6. Use DELETION in a sentence.
...The balat of DELETION is crispy.

7. Use DESPISE in a sentence.
...Who baked all DESPISE?

8. Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a
sentence.
...I am looking for DIFFERENT of this
boy to get DIFFERENTIAL
consent so he can go to the picnic.

9. Use BORROW in a sentence.
...Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.

10. Use CAESAREAN in a sentence.
...Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka,
CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo.

11. Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
...Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain,
pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE.

12. Use CADET in a sentence.
...CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi.
Ngayon, ikaw naman ang
CADET niya.

13. Use BE COOL and I'LL BUY in a sentence.
...The tourist went to Mayon volcano
in I'LL BUY, BE COOL.

14. Use CARDIAC in a sentence.
...Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro
noong isang gabi.

15. Use CENTURION in a sentence.
...Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay
niya dahil sa kalokohan niya.

16. Use DEDICATE in a sentence.
...Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong
DEDICATE iyan.

17. Use DELICACY in a sentence.
...Bagal mo... DELICACY mahuhuli na
tayo.

18. Use DEPRECIATE in a sentence.
...Sister, DEPRECIATE already, kaya
pwede na tayong kumain.

19. Use DIFFUSION in a sentence.
...Brownout...siguradong DIFFUSION
pumutok.

20. Use LAITY in a sentence.
...Taga "laity" si Imelda Marcos.

21. Use MENTION in a sentence.
...Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang
MENTION.

Barbero in Pagupit po...
Lalake: Magkano na ang gupit?
Barbero: P150.00.
Lalake: Paano naman kung ahit lang?
Barnero: P50.00.
Lalake: Sige, ahitan mong ulo ko.

Pesteng Buhay
Tatay: Pesteng buhay na to! merong kaldero, walang BIGAS! merong lampara, walang GAS! merong gripo walang TAGAS! dagdagan pa ng asawang walang HUGAS-HUGAS paano pa TITIGAS!!

Few-to
One day there is an american girl, nakakita siya ng puto...
Girl: Is that few-to?
Tindera: Do you mean puto?
Girl: Yes!
Tindera: Ah ok! What color do you want few-la or few-ti?

A Divorce Hearing
Wife: We were very happy for over a year, your Honor, and then BABY came.
Judge: Boy or Girl?
Wife: your Honor, a model who moved next door!!

Horoscope
GF: Bhe, ano ung horoscope mo?
BF: Ano 'yong horoscope?
GF: Halimbawa 'yong sa akin cancer.
BF: Ah, 'yong sa akin almuranas.

Hugis Ng Mundo
Titser: Ano ang hugis ng mundo?
Juan: Kuwadrado po, ma’am!
Titser: Hindi! Ang mundo ay bilog.
Juan: Pero ma’am, sabi ng lolo ko, narating na niya ang APAT na sulok ng mundo. May sulok po ba ang bilog?

parachute

Sakay ng eroplano ang Kapitan at mga baguhang paratroopers...
Kapitan: Oh, Erap lundag na.
Erap: Kapitan p'wede po bang magtanong bago ako lumundag?
Kapitan: Ano 'yooon?
Erap: Paano po kung hindi bumuka itong parachute ko?
Kapitan: 'Wag kang mag-alala bata, may usapan na kami ng Supplier. Kapag hindi bumuka... papalitan!