oh wow! you were the one who wrote killing me softly! i luv dat fic! i read it on your blog before
i just finished reading 'too close for comfort' ^^ it's really awesome!
thank you so much for the wonderful fics!
i hope you continue writing!

For the sake of our sanity and keeping the hope alive that someday one day they will be together, I'm begging you to continue writing JGS/PSH fics. I read the whole thing in one sitting and I demand more

If I Keep My Heart Out of Sight

Keun Suk’s Story



It’s late but sleep is the farthest thing away from my mind right now. Outside, it is snowing like crazy and it feels good not to have anything up in my schedule tomorrow. At least, I can wake up late and sleep as long as I want to without having to drag myself off the bed. For a change. The past week had been a crazy and frenzy hustle of activities that I am so glad I pulled it through, even with a bad case of colds. The cold weather is really getting nastier by the minute, especially for my health.

I had just helped myself out of Omma’s delicious leftover soup from last night’s dinner and I’m so full I know I should not sleep even if I want to. But a lot of things are keeping my mind busy, anyway, so getting to bed on a full stomach is the least of my worries right now. What worries me really is what I am reading right now on my screen --- fans getting worked up because “Jang Keun Suk snubbed Park Shin Hye at awards night!” So, it was that obvious, huh? “Are they having a lover’s quarrel?” Now that is a smooth but quick assumption! “Why so rude to her, Keun Suk?” “What is happening between JGS and PSH?”

Ah, these reactions are the exact reasons why I know I did the right thing that night. People are really getting so excited about me and Shin Hye that I know it was up to me to mellow things down and let the public eye stray away from her and myself. Especially from her. She has already been getting uncomfortable lately about talks between her and me. And I really feel guilty and embarrassed that I fanned the flames of “our love story” more, by talking about Omma’s fondness of her and that matchmaking she did for Shin Hye and me in public. It was a cute story I wanted to share for our fans but I guess it only gave strength to speculations about us even more. Shin Hye never said anything but I know that all these speculations about me liking her, or she liking me, or we dating each other, are making her uneasy. She is a private person who values her privacy a lot. And I totally understand where she is coming from. Being in the limelight is not easy even to us who have been in the business since we were young. People might think that we should at least have been used to it by now but we are normal people, too. And normal people do not want to have everybody else breathing down their necks 24/7, gawking at them, waiting for their next move, getting ahead of their own feelings, and having their personal affairs as fodder for gossip.

Especially when personal feelings and relationships are already involved.

I have always been open to everyone about what is going on in my life. My fans can attest to that. I am not selfish with information about me because I know I am a public figure. If it fascinates the public to know my whereabouts, my thoughts, my friends, my latest projects, interests, etc. so be it. I let them know everything. I am willing to share everything. I do not lie and if there’s something I can be proud of myself is that I am for real. What you see is what you get. People know that I smoke. People are aware that I go to clubs and I love to party. I do not deny those things unlike what others do. I let them see the good and not so good parts of me because that is who I am. I am human just like everyone else. And if I make mistakes, I am just being normal. I do not need to apologize for that.

But there are things that, although I do not hide, I also choose not to reveal out in the open because they are already too personal for me to share. The names and identities of girls I dated, places where I spend my holidays, or my exact home address are things I do not blurt out on national TV and magazine interviews. These are things I expect my fans not to stalk or stick their noses on out of respect for my privacy. And so far, except for a few, they all have been really cooperative about it.

I wish I could tell them right now what really is going on with me and Shin Hye so they could stop speculating or defending me against those who think that I have been rude to her at the awards. But how could I explain to them something which I myself cannot exactly figure out, much more understand?

Who is Shin Hye to me? Are we even dating? Is she my ideal type? Does she like me? Do I like her? Am I a player? Are we more than friends?

The questions are endless that I know a two-hour fan meeting would not even be enough to accommodate them. If they know what is really going on right now they would probably just laugh in frustration and maybe, anticipation. The dongsaengs will surely pull their hair out of my own confusion and indecision, or the noonas may understand me more, being more mature in life and all. But one thing I am sure of, if their reactions so far are to be a gauge, is that I will have their support on this one.


~0o0~


Everybody says I am a flirt and admittedly, I am. No big deal. Who doesn’t love to flirt? I love to tease and please, that’s what I call it. I love being with people and being friendly to everyone, not just with girls. In the industry I am in, it pays to have good PR and establish rapport with everyone. And it has always been my personality to get involve, to be in the center of things, to entertain. And just like everything else I do, I know, for some, that side of me leaves a bad taste in the mouth. But frankly speaking, I don’t really care.

I like girls, women. I have been reared and raised by two exceptional women. A lot of my close friends are girls. Some of my most respected sunbaes are women. I look up to them, I respect them, I trust them and I love them. And I can’t help it if I know my way towards their hearts, right? What can I say? My grandmother and mom raised me well. Some mistake my closeness with women as the marks of a player. But they are reading me wrong. I do not get too close as to mislead them into something I am not prepared of. Yes, I tease, I flirt, I please, but not to the extent that I will lead them to believe and expect something I cannot give. I do not play that way.

Contrary to popular belief, Jang Keun Suk, the real one, is not one who minces words when it comes to girls/women he likes. I treat my women seriously. I may be a tease, a flirt, if you please. But I am no Casanova. I believe in relationships that last. I have faith in love. And yes, when it comes to the right girl, I do know how to hold my reins and tame my restlessness.

It’s just that, the right girl is hard to come by. Especially in the world I live in. And when she actually does, I am not always that smart to pick her out from the crowd.



~0o0~


I believe in love at first sight. I think I say that often in interviews. I believe it because I already experienced it. Although of course, it is not really love you feel right away. It’s more like an attraction, a longing to be with that someone, to belong to her, to have her. I have pursued girls on that basis alone. And the relationships I had with them had been satisfactory, even if they eventually ended after a while.

So if you go by that criterion alone – love at first sight – to assess my relationship with Park Shin Hye, then no, she is not the one for me. Because when I met her for the first time, sparks did not fly. Not at all.

I could not even remember exactly when I met her for the first time, only vaguely. Must have been when were in our teens, right after she made her debut. She made a cameo in a show I was in. But we never had much interaction together. We only had a few scenes, never even shared a dialogue, if I remember it right. The meeting was too brief she barely registered in my mind. She was just another actress I had to work with. Just another pretty face in a sea of pretty faces.

It was only years later, when we worked on a series of CFS together, that I started to notice her. But then, when I get to kiss her intimately in the CF, I would surely take note of her, right? By then I have noticed that the pretty face had turned into a more beautiful one. Something that made her stood out from the crowd.

Maybe it was the kiss that forced us to get close. I don’t really know. But we really became friends after that. She was still a shy girl, a trace of the younger version I met once years back. But she soon outgrew that as we get to work together more. She was sweet to everyone in the set and she took her job seriously. She always reported to the set ready and game. If she was tired, she never let it show. It was fun working with her. We laughed a lot and the director and crew took note of our chemistry on-screen. They said we looked good together. And after looking at the finished shots and the buzz the CF kiss generated from the fans, I thought they were right. We really have great chemistry and the camera loves us.

It was no wonder then that when Shin Hye’s name came up on the list of my potential leading ladies for a teen drama I would be working on, I was thrilled with the prospect.

It would be my first leading role in a drama with a script I really wanted to do. That was why I was really concerned on who would I get to be paired up with. I knew it should be with someone I could work with really well. Plus, an ounce of chemistry must at least be there. When I heard her name came up, I knew she must be it. And I was right.


~0o0~


The drama showed me a lot of Shin Hye I have never seen before. She is a good person and by that I mean, really good. Not a mean bone in her body. I saw how she dealt with everyone on the set and I liked it. She is gentle and sweet, always with a ready smile and a laugh. She talks a lot, too if she gets comfortable with you. She loves to take pictures, of herself and everyone. Young as she is, she is very thoughtful and caring, always doing something for us like peeling chestnuts, serving tea, doing Yong Hwa’s make up. She loves to serve others, that was one thing I learned about her. She is like an omma, always brimming with love and care.

She is comfortable with everyone, even with us guys. And for me, that was great because the drama needed her to work with 3 guys, role-playing as a guy and the last thing we needed was a lead actress who would act too girly and too shy around men. But Shin Hye was a revelation and she delivered what the role expected of her and more.

Filming almost everyday for three months surely could bring people closer to each other. And that happened to us – Shin Hye, Hong Ki, Yong Hwa and I. We really became friends and formed a special bond together. We even came up with special names for each other. We became that close. Being the only girl, we do not treat Shin Hye as a girl but just as one of us guys. Although she really is feminine in her ways, she never plays the damsel-in-distress act around us. She’s got spunk, this girl. For a girl, she enjoys sports too much that she could forego a meal or sleep just to watch a game on TV. Or brave the biting cold just to enjoy a snowboarding trip with friends. Her energy never fails to shock me. Next to her, she makes me feel so old and wimpy.

Shin Hye and I became more comfortable with each other as the drama progressed. We bicker a lot which I think what really made us closer. I love to tease but she enjoys it more, always armed with a ready barb whenever we get into it. The bickering certainly helped us a lot to get into our characters but what it really did for us off-cam was to elevate our friendship into a more comfortable, intimate level. A direction I never intended to materialize in front of me. But it did. I never saw it coming.

Oh, everyone who ever saw the BTS and NG shots know what I am talking about. The cameras do not lie. We were really getting too close for comfort in front of everyone. And to the public, it is easy to dismiss that as just fan-service, a ploy to market the drama, to generate more attention to our team-up. That kind of cover up is always available so I was not really worried at the start whenever the camera caught us fooling around on set. It was no big deal. Surely, no scandal could come out of that. We always loved to joke on set. It kept the pressure at bay and made us awake even at 2 o’clock in the morning. But whenever I watched the BTS videos uploaded online, I could not deny how close we have really become.

Of all the BTS scenes released by the production, one that caught my omma’s attention was the bed scene BTS. “It looked like there is something going on between you two, Keun Suk,” she told me after she watched a clip of it online. I just laughed at her comment of course. Omma loves to tease me, that’s why. But she pointed out to me that if I were just flirting with Shin Hye on that BTS, then it doesn’t look good on her part. “You were too intimate, if you ask me. You would think you are her bf by the way you hold her and all. But I guess that was just scripted, right?” Omma asked and I just nodded in agreement just to stop her questioning.

But her observation made me think. Of course, that was not part of any script. We were really just fooling around, joking, as could be seen in the video. When I watched it over again, however, I saw Omma’s point. I was really flirting with her shamelessly, caught on-cam. And it did look like we had something going on between us if you see it from a third party’s perspective. No wonder the fans were getting all worked up. I was practically giving them gossip fodder!

Did I like her then? I mean, romantically? I am not really sure. See, that is why I prefer the love-at-first-sight kind of attraction because I would know right away if I like to date the girl or not. But when you start liking someone you were not attracted to from the start, it gets confusing, right? I mean, where do you draw the line? How do you know you’re seeing her in a different light already?

I have been friends with a lot of girls from the industry. And of course, at one point, I also flirt with them. It’s just harmless flirting, anyway. These are not caught on-cam so I wouldn’t know if they really have the same effect to other people like the ones with Shin Hye. Like I said, I know how to make clear my intentions from the very start so all those flirting with those other girls are just that—flirting. I never ask them out alone because that would be misleading. If we do go out, it would always be with other friends, always with a group. I am very particular with that because I do not want unwanted scandals and I want to protect the girl’s reputation, at the least. It is not nice to be caught in a scandal when it does not have any ounce of truth in it. Especially in the entertainment business, when you’re a girl.

I do not want to be caught lying. So when the public sees me eating out at some restaurant with a girl, and I say that she is just a friend, then that is probably the truth. I wouldn’t dare deny any special relationship if it does exist. It would be unfair to the person I am with if I just lie about her, right? That would be unscrupulous of me. But of course, the public doesn’t know that. It is something that is not worth writing in gossip columns, that’s why. It’s not sensational enough. A Casanova Keun Suk would sell more.

Oh well.


~0o0~


So I asked her out. Treated Shin Hye out to dinner, to be exact.

For the fans of the drama, this news would be a delight, I suppose. I could hear their distant squeals even now. Although I mentioned it in passing in one interview, I think it never quite registered to the fans (surprisingly) that we really did go out with a hidden agenda on my part – to see her in a different light.

That was actually an idea from a very unlikely person – my mom.

Omma likes her a lot. And that is something that sets her apart, I think, at least from my perspective. I value my mother’s opinion a lot that to see her liking someone for me is a welcome perspective anytime. Although Omma liked every girl I have ever dated or brought home in the past, this is the first time that she ever expressed her fondness for a girl she doesn’t even know that I like or not.

The idea cropped up after Omma told me she went to a fortune teller to see if my fate matches with Shin Hye’s. “And it does!” she happily squealed. I was amused and incredulously surprised. “What made you do it, Omma? Are you trying to make me a scandal?” I joked. My mom could really do quirky stuff sometimes, especially when it involves her only son. But to consult a fortune teller? With my leading lady in the drama? That was putting fandom to new heights, right?

“I’m just very fond of the girl,” my mom admitted. “She looks good with you. And from what you told me about her, she seems mature beyond her age. I can’t help to see if fate would agree with me,” she said, almost gushing. “And it does!”

“Don’t you like her?” she asked.

“Of course I do,” I answered, but only to myself. But my answer then was not actually responsive to what Omma really meant. I already liked Shin Hye, as a person, as a fellow actor, as a friend. I have been satisfied with what I had been seeing in her as we worked and saw each other on set. But to actually date her? That was something I was not yet prepared to do. There were just so many factors to consider.

The first on the list would be “Is she ready for me?”

As if reading my thoughts, Omma suggested that I should ask her out some time. “I’m not asking you to marry her, Keun Suk, so wipe that surprised look off your face,” she said, sipping her tea, before continuing. “Just give yourself a chance to see her in a different setting, away from the cameras, from work, from everyone you work with everyday. In that way, you see her as who she really is, the person, not the actress. Then, if you like what you see, bring her to me. I want to meet her personally.”

I laughed at her suggestion. “Ya, Omma! It looks like you already have my life all planned out, don’t you? I don’t even know if she’s old enough to date!”

Omma clucked her tongue against her teeth. “Nonsense. She is already an adult. When I was her age, I was already planning my wedding to your dad!”

“And you like her, admit it. Didn’t you ask her that in that BTS bed room scene video that is all over the internet right now? If you can’t remember, go watch it again,” she said, her eyes glinting with mirth. “What you should really worry about is if she likes you enough to agree to date you,” she warned.

Now, that’s a possibility I never thought of, I told myself, staring at my mother’s teasing face incredulously.


~0o0~


So what made me ask her out eventually? I got curious.

Admittedly, if you spend sometime with a girl for almost 3 months, you are bound to get close at some point, right? And when you get close, only two things are bound to happen --- it’s either you earn another friend or you get yourself a girlfriend. And if you get close with someone like Shin Hye, you should be warned that it’s not easy not to like her. She is a beautiful person. In and out. She can easily work her way out of anyone’s heart. That is how her charm works.

But somehow, that kind of charm is also the reason why I keep on getting cold feet around her, to be honest. Heck, if she could get her way into my mom’s heart, without even meeting her, she must be deadly, right? I mean, from a guy’s point of view that is scary. If your mom finds someone she really likes (whom you also like in a way) somehow you feel the pressure is on somewhere. It is like you kind of expect to hear wedding bells ringing every time you bring her home or something, that kind of pressure. And at 23, I just want to date a girl just because I like her, not because I know it is the right thing to do and that it will make my mom squeal in happiness. Or that I think she is the right girl to marry, or so as a fortune teller allegedly vouched for.

But, just like I said, I got curious so I asked her out. This was when the drama was still airing, just before we went to shoot in Japan. I did not want to scare her or give the wrong impressions so I really made sure I would ask her casually. I had it all planned out – how to ask her, when and where we would go, the works. The hardest part was really the asking-her-out part.

I was planning to casually invite her out to a quaint restaurant a friend of mine owns just a few blocks away from our neighbourhood. Since we live in the same neighbourhood I thought the place would be both convenient for us. Plus, regular patrons out there are only just people from the area too, who would not give a care if they see us eating together. I decided to ask her out one weekend when we got a day off from shooting. My pretext was to ask her spontaneously, like it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.

“Shin Hye, are you home?” I called her. “Are you busy today?”

“Just resting at home, Oppa,” she answered.

“Want to join me for a quick bite? I’m suddenly craving for saeng galbi but I don’t want to eat alone. Please say you want to join me,” I half-pleaded, trying to sound casual.

“Your treat?” she asked, joking.

“Of course. And I know a place just a few minutes away that serves the juiciest marinated beef strips in Seoul,” I told her.

She chuckled on the other line. “Well, that sounds tempting to me, Oppa. What are we waiting for?”

I sighed, relieved that she accepted my invitation without any awkwardness. Hanging up, it suddenly felt good that it was her I was asking out to dinner with and not any girl who would be required to play coy before going out with me. Those putting your best foot forward and coyness games are really too pretentious for my taste, if you ask me. It was such a breath of fresh air to be free of those so-called dating norms for a change. Asking a friend out for a date suddenly sounded a lot more fun.


~0o0~


At the dinner, I had just one goal – to confirm if I really was starting to like her, romantically. I already knew I liked her but just like what Omma said, I thought I needed to confirm it to myself that I was starting to see her as girl, and not just a friend. Looking back, I think what I really wanted was to see if she could give me the love-at-first-sight vibes I usually look for in a potential girlfriend. I wanted to see her in a new light and I wanted to feel if she could give me that feeling. It was a ridiculous thought and a real tall order but she was not aware anyway so what she did not know would not hurt her, right?

Shin Hye was her usual bubbly self when I picked her up. For someone who was not aware that she was being asked out for a real date, she looked pretty that afternoon. She did not even dress up for a date, but even in a simple white shirt, black jacket and black pants, she shined.

On the way to the restaurant, I started to ask her some personal questions that would help me get to know her better. “Hey, have you heard the latest gossip online about us?” I started, stealing a glance at her to watch her reaction.

“That we are dating?” she asked, smirking. “Oppa, that was so last week!”

I laughed. “Is that so? I must be lagging behind then. What’s the latest news this week? ”

“Yong Hwa has a secret love for me,” she said, straight-faced. “But no thanks to you, he cannot profess his love yet. But just wait until I finally come out of my senses and realize just how much a playboy you really are. Then Bolmae-jung and I would finally have our happy ending.”

“Me, a playboy? Says who?” I continued laughing, more at the way she matter-of-factly recited some of the fans’ fantasies like they were facts rather than the hilarity of the fantasies itself.

“Says Team Yong Hwa of course. But what they do not know is that I really am so hopelessly in love with Hong Ki. Yet, they do not even have Team Hong Ki in the forums!” she exclaimed, then giggled. “Hong Ki was right. We will not have any scandal even if we try hard to have one.”

I asked her curiously, as we were waiting for our orders to be served, “Tell me, do you really think I am a playboy?”

She stared at me, eyes wide. “I don’t know, Oppa. You tell me.” She crinkled her nose.

“No, you tell me. How do you see me? Do I really look the part of a heartbreaker?”

She pouted, pretending to think seriously. “Aniyo. You are just a huge flirt but I think you’re not a playboy.”

I felt genuinely relieved. “What made you think that?”

She turned to me, her face serious. “Because you think too much,” she said, touching my temple. “And you feel too much,” she added, pointing at her own chest. “Players do not think and feel at the same time.”

I felt warmth for her I have never felt before that moment. Hearing those words from her made me feel so understood. It was like having an angel by my side, cheesy as it may sound. She just described me in a way I could never describe myself without sounding like I am just saving my face. I wish my critics could hear her that moment. I wish she was speaking to a reporter rather than me so everyone could read how Shin Hye described me as I really am.

“Just when did you come to know me so well?” I asked her tenderly. I saw her flustered for a second before she covered it up by sticking her tongue at me.

“You are such an open book, Oppa. So easy to read,” she said dismissively.

I learned a lot about her that night. She told me a lot of things. She talked about her family, how she enjoyed being the youngest and being the apple of her dad’s eyes. She told me about her brother and how she learned the art of bickering with a guy from him. “Maybe that’s why I tend to get close with guys I bicker around with constantly,” she quipped, obviously referring to how we got close through bickering.

“Aha. So that is how you lure guys to your web, huh?” I teased her.

She blushed. “Of course not! I don’t bicker with guys I like, Oppa!”

It was my turn to get flustered. “Ouch. You don’t like me, then?” I asked, genuinely hurt.

She smiled, the dimple on her chin making its appearance. “Of course I like you. I. like. you.” She punctuated the word “like” with a fake hiccup, alluding to a scene in the drama.

I could not help but laughed. “Clever girl, you are. Always knowing how to get out of a sticky situation, huh?”

If she really meant it, I did not really know. All I knew then was I already got what I went there to find.

It was official. I really was starting to like her. But dating her seemed a scary, distant possibility. It still is.

It is scary not because of her but because of me. I do not trust myself enough around her. She is too gentle, too good, too young. Although I know that she is tougher than she looks like, I am still unsure if I can really be trusted to be responsible for her. What if I hurt her? If she gets hurt, what will happen to us? We are still both so young. Maybe now is not yet the right time for me to act on my feelings.

If I can keep my heart out of sight for a little longer, I will be fine. She will be fine.


~0o0~

My Beautiful Disaster


Shin Hye’s Story



When I was little, Appa called me yo shin. Good night, my little goddess, he would say, every time he would tuck me in to bed. He was a man of few words, still is, but with those words whispered every night to me before I went to sleep, he always made me feel special. Always loved, always appreciated.

I grew up knowing that no matter what I do, where I am, what I would be, two guys will always love me from head to toe, unconditionally – my dad and my older brother. Appa and Oppa. They may always not be articulate in expressing their feelings for me but their protection and care is always there. They are always on standby, like a first-aid kit, like an ambulance, to go running after me when they see me fall or hurt.

Oh, they do not love me to perfection. Appa does not always sing high praises for me. He merely grunts his acknowledgment whenever Omma says I have bagged another CF or landed in another role. He does not even seem to be aware that I am already earning my own money. He still gives me allowances; still sends me to school with his own money. In his eyes, I will always be his responsibility until I’m finished with university. I am not Shin Hye, the actress who stars in dramas and CFs. I am just Shin Hye, the little girl he still calls yo shin whenever he sees me all dressed up.

My brother does not even watch my dramas. He says he feels uncomfortable seeing my pictures in magazines because in his mind, I would always be the dorky face little sister lounging around at home in her PJs. Or at least, that’s what he claims. Until he starts criticizing on how stiff I look in a magazine cover or how awkward I moved my face in a kissing scene. My number one critic – that’s my brother. But I know that he is also my number one fan.

These two guys taught me all the things I thought I should know about men in general. Because of them, I am comfortable around the male species. I know how to deal with them, how to humor them, and how to understand them. I always hear remarks how I easily get comfortable with my fellow actors, young and old, and how surprised people are to see a shy, quiet girl like me totally at ease around guys of all kinds and sizes. What people don’t know is that I have lived with guys all my life --- and they have trained me well.

When I turned 20, my dad told me something he said I should never forget. It was the night of my birthday and we were talking, just the two of us, in our little garden. We were sitting in the swing he made for my brother and I years back when Oppa could still fit his frame in it.


“You just become an adult today and as much as I want to always have you by my side, I know sooner or later, someone will take you away from your Omma and me,” he began. Appa loves to give talks like this on our birthdays. And it is something I always look forward to whenever my birthday comes along.

But I couldn’t help but laughed at the direction he was getting at. Someone to take me away? “Appa, you sound like you already found a good match for me,” I giggled. He was talking to me as an adult for the first time but I just couldn’t believe he would be choosing that as a topic. I have only read about scenes like this in drama scripts!

“Just listen up, you little rascal. You’re my only daughter. This is for your own good,” he told me sternly. I could see he was serious, although a little uncomfortable with it. I stopped giggling, chastened by his voice. Appa is not one to waste his words over things that do not matter to him. And I knew what he was about to tell me that evening was something he felt he should do as a father. So I listened up, waiting for him to speak.

“Sooner or later, you will meet someone and fall in love. Whoever he will be, I hope you will choose well and wisely. He will be different from your brother and me, Shin Hye. He will come from a different family, a different background. The things you learn from us will be useful but they will not always help you to understand him. He will love you. But sometimes he won’t. He will break your heart and I would want to save you from the pain, but we -- your brother, Omma and I -- will not interfere. You will fall on your knees once, twice… as many times as you want. We will be there to raise you up each time you fall, but we will not be there to prevent it. Only you can do that,” he said, his quiet voice warming my heart from the chilly night air.

I knew he was talking about letting me go. Out in the wild, crazy world of adulthood. And I felt scared all of a sudden. Scared to meet the guy my dad was talking about. Scared to find a love which will break me, like he just said.

“I won’t fall in love that way, Appa,” I told him quietly.

My father laughed. “Everyone falls in love that way, Shin Hye, at least once. You just have to tell that heart of yours to choose wisely. You don’t have to choose the best in our eyes, but in yours. You will laugh with him and shed tears for him. At least, make him worthwhile.”

“And have a brave heart, yo shin. You will need it, trust me.”


~0o0~


I call him a beautiful disaster. My own beautiful disaster. A walking contradiction that never ceases to amaze me. A boy trapped in a man’s body, good looks and that voice. He is forever playful, forever friendly, forever tantalizing everyone with his beautiful smile. He is beautiful and he knows it. He loves to shine and he is shining brightly each day. He is dripping with confidence, talent and passion. Attributes which will inevitably make him the one to beat in the world of Hallyu.

But beneath that shining, aggressive, go-getter exterior is really just a simple boy with a lot of dreams. No, he didn’t tell me that. That’s just the way I read him. And I have been reading him for quite a while now.

I have to admit, my first impression of him was quite superficial – just another pretty flower boy who thinks he is God’s gift to women. You couldn’t blame me, he surely looked the part and if you follow him on the papers and gossip columns, he played the part, too.

Since I debuted, I have been lucky enough to be paired up with the so-called heartthrobs in the industry. They are the guys the ahjummas and noonas/unnies would fight tooth and nail for. My brother even foolishly warned me before to always watch my back whenever I was out in the street. “You might just find your head already rolling ahead of you a little too late. Fangirls of those flower boys are scaaarryy!” he warned.

But I was not afraid. After all, who was I to think I would get these beautiful guys to notice me and be a threat to their legion of fans? Working with them was fun but it was just a job. Nothing personal. Yes, they looked like gods but they were also just people, like everyone else. They were my oppas, nothing more. And I’m sure they felt the same way. Besides, I was too young for them. Surely, who would take a young girl like me seriously? Seriously enough to date or whatever. It is not like I am Soo Ae unnie or Yoon Eun Hye unnie. Those pretty faces are the stuff guys’ dreams are made of. But me? Like my brother says, I look too dorky to date.

And it’s not like I would die if I don’t date real soon. I won’t. And honestly, if and when I really date, I think I would be dating someone normal. Normal meaning a non-celebrity guy. Maybe someone from church or someone from school. I think I would be more comfortable dating those kinds of guys. At least, with them, I won’t be competing with a throng of fans or a troop of beautiful girls for their attention. For normal guys, like my father or my brother, I would always have a chance to be someone else’s yo shin. And falling in love would be at least, with my father’s warning in mind, a little less complicated.

Or so I thought. But God loves to make pranks to unsuspecting girls like me.


~0o0~


He was not my first on-screen kiss but he surely did make it the most memorable one to date. And let me remind you that on-screen kisses are the only kisses I have had so far in my life so I couldn’t even categorize his kiss as the most memorable on-screen kiss I have had. It was the most memorable kiss I’ve had in my life, period.

It was memorable not because of the obvious reason which is he was Jang Geun Suk, darn it! No, that was not my reason at all. It was because the kiss was the most comfortable kiss I did so far, thanks to him. He was a total gentleman and this is not to say the other actors I shared kisses with before were not. But with the kind of kiss we shared in the CF, I never felt awkward towards him after. It was like kissing someone you have known for a long time. That kind of feeling. It was a deep, intimate kiss. The kind of kiss which would certainly make me blushed if I had it for real. But surprisingly, it didn’t feel awkward to do it with him at all. We had fun doing it. He made it a lot less awkward for me. Thanks to his non-stop talking.

He talks a lot. He loves talking and it is good that I am the type who loves to listen so I just let him do the talking when we were shooting that scene. His jokes and his witty prattle took my mind away from the scene and let me be comfortable with him. I guess that was when I actually started reading him. He talked a lot but he didn’t talk nonsense. His talkative nature, I found out soon enough, was there for a purpose. He talked because he wanted to know more, to befriend me, to make us comfortable with each other. He told me jokes because he wanted to break the ice, to set a friendlier mood. And I appreciated that.

He loved to tease and laugh at himself. He loved to ask questions, poking his nose around the set during breaks, asking the cameraman how to set up this and that, even observing how the make-up artist mix-and-match make-up colors on my face. He was a curious little kid and the big world was his playground, I thought of him then.

A flower boy with a substance. Definitely a beautiful kind of disaster I did not know I had been waiting for to meet.

I have always been a private person. Something which is very hard to reconcile considering that I live in the limelight. But I have decided early on, even before I started in the entertainment industry, that I would try my best to separate my private and public lives.

I come from a normal family and I love doing everyday things with them. I know I am a public figure but there are things which I prefer to just keep for myself and the people close to me only. I lead a boring life outside the limelight anyway. If I were to broadcast my daily life in a reality show, I bet no one would even dare watch it because my life off-cam is just dull. I live practically just like any other Korean girl living in Seoul. My closest friends are those I have known since childhood. I only have few celebrity friends. I do not go to bars or clubs. During my free time, you can catch me camping out in my room, pouring my thoughts out in paper, watching DVDs, playing with our dog, learning foreign languages or pestering my brother to give me free guitar lessons which always ends up with me ordering a box of pizza just to bribe him.

My life is very normal, compared to other celebrities. I have always been a homebody. And I love it. My private life keeps me sane away from the chaos of showbiz. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. I love acting, singing and dancing. I love to entertain and I aspire to be known as one of Korea’s serious actresses someday. I take my craft seriously. It’s something I have decided to pursue early on. I have always wanted to act, to perform, to dance.

But I am a little uncomfortable with the hype that goes with being a celebrity. Sure, I enjoy the glamour, the beautiful dresses, the gorgeous make-ups, the lovely photo shoots and the thrill of walking on red carpets. I am a girl, after all. But at the end of the day, what I really crave for is just the peace and quiet of home. The normalcy of every day life, of being Shin Hye, a girl who is trying to figure how to be an adult in a world where every thing she does is magnified, blow out of proportion and every thing that comes out of her mouth is dissected, interpreted and analyzed.

I am just a girl with big dreams, too. I also make mistakes and have bad habits that are hard to break. I feel insecure, too, every now and then, and sometimes, I also throw tantrums when I’m in a bad mood. All these things I know I cannot do when I’m in the limelight. That’s why I value my life off-cam a lot more. Because behind the cameras, I can be the imperfect me.


~0o0~


I always envy celebrities who are comfortable living under the glares of the limelight. Like Keun Suk-oppa. He knows how to handle his fame and his status as a celebrity. The Jang Geun Suk everybody sees on TV is the same Keun Suk off-cam. He was really born to be in the limelight. He attracts attention and he doesn’t cower from it. He is the type who would go to downtown Seoul and blend in with the crowd without a disguise. He is that comfortable with his status.

“Why hide behind dark sunglasses when you worked so hard to get famous in the first place? We owe it to the public to at least acknowledge them when they see us. And we owe it to ourselves to live our lives like everyone else does. Just do your own thing, Shin Hye. It’s your life, anyway,” he gave me this advice once when we were talking about how to lead normal lives despite being celebrities. It was one of those talks we shared on set, filming the drama.

Yes, he waxes philosophical thoughts sometimes, intersperse with his usual clowning and teasing, of course. And it was a facet of him I like most because it reflects what he really is, deep inside. It would take a lot of time to discover that side of him, though. You have to dig deeper to find it, because often times, all he shows is just the funny, outgoing, friendly, adorable Keun Suk that everyone loves.

I adore that, too, of course. Who can resist that smile, that laugh, and that charm? But what makes me appreciate him more was the side of him he tucks in behind those sunny smiles and toothy grins. The Keun Suk I have discovered by myself, by quietly observing him and his actions. The Keun Suk not often caught by the cameras. The Keun Suk you can only see when you know him up close and personal.


~0o0~



My non-showbiz friends have been asking me if Keun Suk-oppa and I are already dating. They said photos and videos of our BTS are all over the internet and those clips just show how intimate and close we are.

“I know you are naturally sweet, Shin Hye. But come on, did he have to lick that icing off your finger? You haven’t even fed me with your own hand and we’ve been friends since pre-school,” my best friend told me over coffee, trying to let me spill my guts to her about the real score between me and Keun Suk.

I blushed at the mention of the video. I was not even aware that was caught on-cam. I guess some enterprising soul had his cam ready that moment and shared the file. When I saw it uploaded on the internet, I literally hid between my sheet covers and just stayed there for like an hour. I was that embarrassed. When he did that, of course it was just nothing. I was just trying to pull a prank on him by trying to smear icing on his face but he caught my hand mid-air so I just let him lick the icing off, pretending that it was my original intention to let him eat it. Arrrggh. I guess karma caught up with me big time. For all the world to see.

But that was sweet, right? Replaying the video for the thousandth time, it still leaves goosebumps on me every time I watch it. I will not lie. That act was really intimate and smells a little fishy if you see it. I just pray that Appa won’t get wind of the videos ever. Or Oppa. But that would be aiming for the moon.

“We were just fooling around,” I managed to say, dodging the obvious question. It was the truth, anyway.

“Fooling around, my foot!” my best friend hissed, eyes glaring at me. “Just when did you learn how to ‘fool around’ with guys, huh? And with Jang Geun Suk!? He sure knows how to push your buttons, by the way.”

“Hey, that was just scripted. It was part of the promotions for the drama. Don’t get so excited about it. It’s nothing,” I said dismissively, trying another tactic to shut her up.

She looked at me, unconvinced. “I know it when you are telling the truth and when you are just making things up, you silly girl. And right now, I know you are just faking it.” She sized me up, waiting for me to change my mind and spill my guts. But I did not budge.

“Come on, I can be trusted. My lips are tight! So what if you two are dating? What’s the big deal? Your actions speak for the obvious, anyway,” she said, exasperated.

I shook my head. “We are just friends. Really.”

“Liar.”

I laughed. “Would I lie about something like this to you? You’re my best friend. You will be the first to know if I have Jang Geun Suk as my boyfriend. But he’s not.”

She kept quiet for a second. “But you want to date him, right?” She asked, watching my reaction.

I looked at her, surprised by her question. Do I want to date him? My mind asked a couple of times before her laughter snapped me out from my thoughts.

“I got it, Shin Hye. Your 5-second is up. Correct answer.” She smiled knowingly.


~0o0~


Date Jang Geun Suk? Did I want to date him?

If I were a fangirl, I would say “Hell, yeah!” in a heartbeat. I mean, who wouldn’t, right? No sane girl in all of Korea would probably pass up the chance to date him. You can just ask his legion of fans to enumerate for you the top 100 reasons why you should want to date him. I would not even dare to question anything on that list. He is such an eye candy that you wouldn’t miss the chance to claim as your own.

But I'm not just a fan. He's my friend. A friend I shared this uncommon, weird, out-of-this world connection with. Or like others say -- chemistry. A chemistry that looks good on screen because it feels real off-cam.

I am no hypocrite. I feel it. I feel the chemistry -- that certain spark, between us. And it feels good. We have really been enjoying each other's company during the time we filmed the drama. He was forever teasing me, forever flirting with me. And I enjoyed all the attention he was giving me. He was really a charmer and I was not immune to it, I guess. A lot of that had been captured on cam. A lot of my enchantment, those seemingly spellbound moments I had with him was witnessed by the fans, thanks to those BTS videos uploaded online.

I could deny it, and say, “Hey look, I also share the same friendship and rapport with Hong Ki and Yong Hwa!” Those two have also become my cherished friends, thanks to the drama. The bond I share with them is just the same with the one I have with Keun Suk-oppa.

But did their touch ever send goosebumps on my skin? Did their mere presence make me forget I was just acting the part of Go Mi Nam and not Shin Hye? Did their intent gazes awaken the sleeping butterflies in my stomach? Did they ever make me feel jealous about anything?

I will forever adore Hong Ki, even when we are both old and have grey hair. He is like a cherished playmate I met in the park. We shared so much laughter and dorky antics together that I already lost track counting them in my memory. He is like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold, winter morning. The sunshine on a cloudy day… He is that to me. But the electrifying feeling Go Mi Nam felt for Hwang Tae Kyung? It is not there. And I am so glad it doesn't exist because that means Hong Ki and I will always be the unadulterated dorky friends that we already are.

Yong Hwa is the smooth charmer everybody loves, me included. He is quiet and shy in front of the camera but off-cam, he rivals Hong Ki with his quirky sense of humor. We became close because he was just so easy to hang out with. I know some fans thought he and I can be a good match because in interviews, he always chooses me over other girls as his ideal type. But of course he would choose me. I'm the first actress he ever worked with. He's just being loyal and being very patronizing. But wait ‘til he has the chance to work with other prettier girls, then I would probably be on the bottom of his list.

Would I date Hong Ki and Yong Hwa? But of course! Anytime. My dream date with them would be to treat them to a round of soju after a nice dinner and sing our hearts out at a noraebang ‘til we drop. Let’s just see if those two idols can beat me at karaoke singing!

Do I want to date Keun Suk-oppa?

Does he want to date me?

I don't think he does. Because from what I've been hearing so far, I don't even fit his ideal type.


~0o0~


If I am nowhere near his type of girl he wants to date, then at least, his mom likes me. That means 100 points for me, right?

The first time I heard about it I thought he was just making it up. He just mentioned it once, in passing, that his mom was a fan. I just smiled then, thinking he was just acting polite, probably pulling my leg. But when he mentioned it again on TV, I came to believe him eventually. After all, I do know that if there is one thing he hates to do, it is to lie before the cameras.

His mom likes me? Enough to consult a fortune teller to ask if I would be a good match to her son? That part Keun Suk-oppa never told me and I was floored when I heard that. I was the butt of jokes at home for a few days because of that. It even got my mom thinking if she ought to consult a fortune teller too, just to confirm it for herself.

"Omma!" I cried out in embarrassment when she suggested that. Even my dad found the idea amusing. "Now that someone's mother likes you enough to consider you for her son, we won't have to worry finding you a good match later on, do we?" my dad joked.

Yes, his Omma might really like me. But...does he?


~0o0~


He is naturally playful so I did not really give any color to his incessant teasing and flirting. And being the only girl among them, it was just natural that they would pick on me most of the time, right? Even Hong Ki and Yong Hwa teased and joked with me a lot I already got immune to them.

But Hong Ki or Yong Hwa did not dare flirt with me.

This is hard because I do not really know how to tell if a guy is seeing me as more than just a friend. My faculties are not so good when it comes to that. I guess you can say I am a first-class dimwit in that aspect. Plus, will I really be that presumptuous to think that Keun Suk-oppa sort of likes me? Am I even allowed to think that?

I don’t like assuming things. I don’t jump into conclusions that fast. I need proofs to support that ridiculous thought.

Okay, yes he flirted with me a lot. But flirting is as natural as breathing to him.

We have great chemistry. But sharing chemistry with a person doesn’t mean you already like that person, does it?

He always gave me lots of attention on set. Well, we did work together so it’s just normal that we paid attention to each other.

He once asked me out to dinner…alone. Did that mean anything? Yeah, now that I remember it, didn’t he say on TV that we hit off really well during that night out? I guess friends treat each other out to dinner all the time, right?

His mom likes me. Now, if only that can be a gauge to know his real feelings.

Aaarggh! If only I could ask my friends to figure things out with me. But of course, I can’t. What to do? What to do?

Or…maybe I’m just the only one imagining that we kind of have that spark, that magic, that bond, huh? I really could be naïve about this kind of things.

Ah, Shin Hye. Get over yourself. He is way over your league. And didn’t they say that he likes noonas?


~0o0~


“Do you think he likes me?” I ask my best friend, Mi Young. We are in my room, talking in whispers like crazy idiots, afraid my brother from the other room could hear anything.

After much deliberation, I eventually mustered the courage to summon her for her expertise on dating and confessed my growing confusion about him to her. But not after I swore her in to secrecy. “If you dare breathe anything about this to anyone, and I mean anyone, I swear I will hunt you down and exact retribution. Are we clear on that?” I told her sternly.

She sticks her tongue out to me. “Don’t get too melodramatic. The whole world already knows that you like each other. You’re hopping in to the bandwagon a little too late!” she dismisses me with a sneer.

It is the first week of the new year and we are huddled on my bed, figuring him out like crazy while snow falls incessantly outside. What a nice way to spend a snowy day --- talking about him freely with someone I trust. It is liberating, for a change.

“But let me just set one thing straight. Before we go in deeper into this matter, can I ask you one favour, Shin Hye?” she asks.

“What?”

“Can you at least say out loud, even just this once, that you like him. Blurt it out! Come on,” she tells me in mock indignation.

My eyes widen in apprehension. I shake my head. I can’t.

She laughs hysterically that I have to shut her up. “Oh, I can’t believe this. Here we are, about to dissect a guy’s psyche out, piece by piece, and you can’t even admit to yourself the reason why we are so concerned about what’s going in his head,” she shakes in uncontrollable laughter. “Seriously, Miss Park, I think you’re having it so bad. I don’t know what to say.”

“I’m not even sure I like him that way.”

She looks at me incredulously. “Then why are we wasting time to figure out if he likes you or not? Oh, seriously. I’m out of here,” she stands up, grabbing her phone on the table. “Just call me when you made up my mind, little miss clueless.”

I grab at her hand. “Mi Young! I’m serious. Help me. I can’t talk about this to anyone. Only with you,” I plead.

“I like him.” She mouths the words slowly. “Just spit it out. I. Like. Him.” She glares at me.

I nod, eager to make her stay. “Okay, okay. I do. I like him. There, satisfied?” I ask her, a part of me wanting to strangle her. She is really enjoying herself this time, tormenting me. But she is right. The words are surprisingly good to hear. I like him. It feels good to say it out loud.

She smiles triumphantly. “There. You’re officially the 67850th girl who declared her admiration to Jang Geun Suk. It’s not that big a deal, right?” She asks with a smirk.

I hit her with a pillow. “I know. I’m just one of the statistics, right?” I ask sadly. “So what are the chances that he will like me back?”

She looks at me, studying my face. “What’s your gut-feel about this? I mean, don’t think it over, don’t over analyze. Just answer right away. Do you think he likes you?”

I sigh. “Yes.” My heart gives the answer.

She shrieks in excitement. “I think so too. I mean, after seeing all those photos and videos of you together? He’s got to feel something for you to be able to flirt that way. Even my bf thinks you’re already dating him!”

“You think so?” Her words make my little heart flutter with hope.

She nods. “He is still a guy, for God’s sake! He must feel something. You don’t flirt that way every chance you get if you don’t feeling anything. You can only do so much fan-service, silly. What you too were doing in those BTS was too much for a fan-service, if you ask me.”

I shriek in embarrassment as she parodied him licking my finger. “Stop it!”

We both laugh hysterically. I would really do anything to erase that video footage from internet memory.

Then, she asks me, suddenly remembering something. “And didn’t you say that he was worried about having a scandal with you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that could be a sign that he is concerned about you. If he doesn’t care, he just can ignore and let the rumors about the both of you die down, right? But he is trying to stop it. After talking about you a lot, he just suddenly wanted to quell it. That’s kind of weird…unless he’s really starting to feel something for you.”

I look at her, perplexed. “What do you mean?”

“You know how sometimes it’s so easy to talk about things that don’t really mean anything to you? Like discussing someone else’s sad story to another, for example,” she explains. “But when that story becomes yours, suddenly you want to protect it, to hide it, to have others stop talking about it. I guess that’s one way to explain his behaviour. Suddenly, all those rumors are slowly becoming his own truth. And he wants to protect that badly.”

I stare at her for seconds, pondering her theory. Is she correct?


~0o0~


Days before the drama awards, Keun Suk-oppa had talked to me about the increasing hype we seemed to have generated from the fans. This was after I got back from my trip to Nepal and found all sort of talks about us online. Netizens were speculating about us being a real couple. They even voted us the on-screen couple they wanted to see date for real. Then there was the story about his omma and the fortune teller which further fanned the fire. We were all over the news and I was growing a little worried about all those rumors, afraid about the implication of these to both our managements.

Apparently, we were both worrying about the same thing. “First, I really want to apologize talking about how my Omma likes you on TV,” he began, calling me up one night.

I laughed at his remark. “Oppa, what is there to apologize for? I am the one thankful to your Omma for liking me. Please send her my best regards. I hope I can pay her a visit one of these days.”

He laughed back. “Yes, do that soon. It would really make her day to meet you personally.”

I blushed at his suggestion, thankful we were not speaking face to face.

“I’m also sorry if the trip to the fortune teller story my Omma did made you uncomfortable,” he continued. “But she really did that so brace yourself for another surge of marriage rumors real soon,” he joked on the other line.

Again, my heart skipped a beat to hear him confirmed that story. “She did?” I asked, my voice a little too happy. “That was cute, Oppa.”

“Yeah. And we are a good match, would you believe that?” He chuckled, then he continued a little seriously, “But I guess I have been talking about you so much lately that I am to be blamed for all the rumors circulating around. Mianhe, Shin Hye.”

“Oppa, it’s okay,” I told him, trying to quell his guilt. “Rumors will always be there. That’s already part of the package. Don’t worry yourself too much about it.”

I heard him heaved a sigh on the other line. “Thanks, Shin Hye. But I still think I owe it to you stop the rumors from escalating into a full-blown scandal. I mean, I won’t care if it was just me. But it involves you too and I don’t want to make things difficult for you or your management.”

“So what do we do then, Oppa?”

He waited for a second before he answered. “I’ll refrain from getting to close to you in public from now on. I won’t give them enough bait to start with. So if you don’t see my face sticking close to you like it used to, don’t fret, okay? I’m just shielding you from the rumors.”

My heart felt dejected and startled by his news. “Ahrasso, Oppa. But we are still friends, right?”

He gave out a loud laugh. “Ya! Of course we are! I just want to downplay the rumors about us. I didn’t say I will stop pestering you in real life.”

My heart swelled in relief. “I guess I have to stick by Hong Ki’s side more often then,” I said. “We both are scandal-proof together.”

“Yeah, do that. Just stick with Hong Ki. Yong Hwa and I are too dangerous to be with you in public,” he warned mockingly.


~0o0~


Shin Hye

To all my fellow fans who like my fanfic, thanks for reading. Actually, I haven't got around to write about them lately, this past week or so but I had a couple of fics that I had in my blog but weren't posted here yet. So I'm posting them now.


Thanks for taking the ride with me. I will always be grateful for your nice words.

Conspiracy Theory



Hong Ki waves at Shin Hye as she makes her way to the gallery and smiles. “What’s with the long hair, Go Mi Nam?” He nudges Keun Suk towards her direction and both guys laugh. He waits for Keun Suk to deliver one of his usual witty one-liners towards Shin Hye but to his disappointment and surprise, he doesn’t breathe a word but just look at Shin Hye with a smile. Weird, Hong Ki thinks to himself and shrugs.

Shin Hye in return just also smiles warmly at Keun Suk and then directing her attention to Hong Ki, she exclaims above the noise of people settling in their seats to wait for the C.N. Blue showcase to begin, “Go Mi Nam’s hair went away for a vacation today. This is one of Lady Gaga’s rejects!” she points to her long wig.

She has arrived with her manager in tow but to Hong Ki’s surprise, instead of sitting himself with the other managers on the other side of the gallery, Shin Hye’s manager sits himself beside Keun Suk, walking ahead of his ward, while Shin Hye dutifully sits beside him. Hong Ki can’t help but look at Shin Hye inquisitively then watch Keun Suk’s reaction. But Shin Hye is oblivious to her friend’s stares as she busily scans the program on her hand. Keun Suk, on the other hand, is busily waving at fans who are trying to catch his attention.

Has he become the fifth A.N.JELL now, without my permission? Hong Ki asks himself in amusement as he watches the manager sits comfortably between Shin Hye and Keun Suk. He does know that they did not come here as the fictional A.N.JELL group so the three of them don’t really need to sit together but still, wouldn’t it be cool to sit closer with each other and chat with his two friends as they enjoy the music of Yong Hwa and his band? Why, he even ditched sitting together with his own bandmates, the FT Island, just so he could have some bonding time with Keun Suk and Shin Hye whom he doesn’t get to see as often as he wants to. But it seems Shin Hye’s manager is oblivious of anything today, huh?

He contemplates of asking Shin Hye to switch places with her manager but dismisses the idea right away. It will be too rude of him to do that. Can I ask Keun Suk-hyung to transfer beside Shin Hye, then? He asks then laughs at the absurdity of his thoughts. Why is he even going crazy over a seating arrangement? Pabo.

His musings are disrupted by the arrival of the actress who played the stylist in the drama. “Oh, noona, glad to see you here, too!” he greets as she settled herself beside Shin Hye. Ah, now I don’t have to worry about Shin Hye sitting by herself, away from us, Hong Ki sighs in relief. Noona is here.

The showcase starts smoothly as expected. Hong Ki has been excited for Yong Hwa and his band, not only because they come from the same company, but also because he really digs their own brand of music. It is something new and electric, very promising. And it doesn’t hurt, too, that like the FT Island members, they are young and brimming with talent.

Throughout the show, however, there is another thing that catches the attention of Hong Ki away from the stage --- Keun Suk and Shin Hye. They have never said a word to each other in almost two hours! Hong Ki observes, looking at his watch, as the live performance of CN Blue nears its end and they prepare to leave. Something really weird is going on here, he mutters under his breath. But one thing he noticed was that throughout the show, Keun Suk keeps on glancing to his left, his eyes searching and his lips twitching into a little smile. It doesn’t take Hong Ki’s genius to find out who he was smiling at and whose eyes he was trying so hard to catch the entire time. Unless he got suddenly smitten by Shin Hye’s manager! He chuckles to himself, laughing at his own joke.

Seriously, are these two still playing their own little charade? He asks incredulously. How much more time do you need to make a move? He looks at Keun Suk’s way and sighs. Yong Hwa was right. Maybe they really need to book Keun Suk an appointment with the Soju Council the soonest possible time. The Soju Council of course comprises of him, Yong Hwa and as many bottles of soju they can gulp down to make Keun Suk talk.

“Shin Hye-shi, you know the place, right? We’ll see you there, okay? I’m going to ride with Keun Suk-hyung,” Hong Ki tells Shin Hye as they and the rest of the celebrity guests make their way out of the gallery. The performance of CN Blue has just been concluded and the Q&A with the press portion of the event has started. That is their cue to leave.

Shin Hye nods happily. “I have the feeling I will get there first ahead of you guys,” she jokes, motioning to the hordes of fans waiting for the guys to ask for their autographs.

When they planned to attend the CN Blue Showcase to support Yong Hwa and his band, they also planned to go out for dinner together after the program. It was Keun Suk who invited them out for dinner actually and he and Shin Hye both happily agreed, seeing it as a rare opportunity to catch up on each other and just bond, away from prying eyes, away from the cameras. Yong Hwa said he would catch up with them as soon as his band’s appearances for the day are all through.

They are dining out at a special seafood restaurant located at the outskirts of Seoul. Keun Suk has made the reservations days before and they are all looking forward to eat and relax the whole night.


~0o0~


“Hyung, are you and Shin Hye deliberately avoiding each other in public?” Hong Ki asks Keun Suk on their way to the restaurant. He is riding shotgun with Keun Suk whose face brightens to a wide smile at his question.

“Omo! You noticed it too? Has it been that obvious, then?” Keun Suk asks jokingly, his eyes on the road.

Hong Ki laughs. “After being a witness to all those closeness and shameless flirting on set, you make it appear like Shin Hye suddenly became a nun or something! You look like you won’t even touch her with a ten-foot pole!”

Keun Suk runs his fingers through his hair. “Just one of the things we have to do as a celebrity, you know,” he looks at Hong Ki meaningfully.

Hong Ki nods, understanding his predicament. As a celebrity himself, he knows the importance of shielding your personal life away from the eyes of the public -- a public that does not always have the understanding or the proper discernment to acknowledge that they are human beings too, capable of loving, making mistakes and susceptible of being hurt.

“So you and Shin Hye really talked this over, then?” Hong Ki asks. He knows how Shin Hye got attached not only with Keun Suk, but to him and Yong Hwa, so easily and that it would really hurt her if Keun Suk just started ignoring her in public without telling her first. The girl could really sometimes be a tomboy who looks like she can take everything you throw at her but Hong Ki knows that she is still a girl with a vulnerable heart. Especially when it comes to this hyung, he smiles inwardly.

Keun Suk nods. “Yeah, we have talked about this. And her management and mine also agreed that it would be best for now to just lay low for awhile. Let all those rumors about us die down a little bit. It just sucks, though. I’m not used to ignoring her like this in public. Feels awkward,” he admits.

Hong Ki smiles in agreement. “But hyung, does her manager really have to wedge himself between the two of you today?” He asks Keun Suk, his face serious and his mouth curling in a pout.

Keun Suk bursts out in a loud laugh. “That was his idea, not mine! Yeah, if you think about it, you could have just sat between Shin Hye and me, right?” He lets out a loud yell. “Aaaarggh! This whole thing is making idiots out of all of us!”

But Hong Ki is really curious about one thing. “Hyung, how come you two are going this great length to avoid any scandal? Are you two even dating?” Of course he knows the answer to his question but Hong Ki just wants to drive home the point. It really does look absurd to avoid each other like that in public just to avoid a scandal, right? If there is no truth to it, then just say so. No need to feel guilty about it or to avoid any public display of affection because of it. Just tell the truth and the intrigues will die down naturally.

Keun Suk’s voice booms at him. “Ya, Hong Ki! Since when did you become a nosy reporter?” His eyes are full of laughter but he wears a blank expression on his face. “We’re here,” he says, changing the subject as he pulls down to a stop in front of the restaurant.

Gotcha! Hong Ki mutters under his breath triumphantly as he unbuckles his seatbelt.


~0o0~


Hong Ki has witnessed first hand the attraction that has been brewing between his co-stars since the drama started. He is a guy, too and he knows how guys like himself treat girls they are interested in. And as far as he knows, Keun Suk has been treating Shin Hye really special since the start of the drama that both he and Yong Hwa noticed it right away. Guys are territorial by nature. Like the proverbial hunter, they want to mark their prey early on, to prevent others to take it away from them. Keun Suk has been doing this to Shin Hye, unconsciously or not. As far as Hong Ki is concerned, Keun Suk has been claiming his stake on Shin Hye subconsciously, by getting close to her, teasing and flirting with her on set, stealing her heart away without the both of them being aware of it.

Once when they were filming late at night and he and Yong Hwa were taking a quick nap, they had been awakened by Keun Suk and Shin Hye’s laughter as they huddled together in a corner, talking and joking, oblivious to their surroundings. They seemed to have built a world of their own that Yong Hwa and him could only exchange knowing looks and shrugs as they watched their co-stars carried on their bantering at the wee hours of the night, full of energy and laughter.

That was how he and Yong Hwa started to imitate them, staging their own little parodies to exaggerate the closeness they have been witnessing on Keun Suk and Shin Hye. Sometimes, he would call on Keun Suk just to say “Saranghe, Keun Suk-hyung!” whenever Shin Hye was within earshot, indirectly eliciting her jealousy and tapping her inner feelings to get through the surface. But Shin Hye, oblivious to his evil motives, would only join in the laughter much to his chagrin.

Yong Hwa on his part would always make it a point to disrupt the two whenever he would see them getting cozy together, just to irk Keun Suk. Popping up unceremoniously behind them whenever they were huddled together, Yong Hwa would barge himself in, interrupting their moment. The two didn’t seem to mind or notice however but it would always crack Hong Ki and Yong Hwa to see their friends try so hard to cover up their growing attraction for each other and pass it as just what normal friends feel towards one another.

But Hong Ki knew that sooner or later, when the drama would be over, when the guise of being co-actors on set has worn off, they would be forced to evaluate everything out on their own.

And seeing the awkwardness these two had been putting themselves up since the night of the drama awards, Hong Ki knows that it won’t be long until they are force to admit to themselves what is really going on between them.

But it sure is fun to keep the fans and even your friends guessing, huh? Hong Ki tells himself as he sees Shin Hye’s face lit up at the sight of Keun Suk and him entering the restaurant.

What do you have in store for us tonight, you two? He asks his friends silently as he playfully grabs Shin Hye’s wig, earning a playful jab from her.



~0o0~
Please note: although no board code and smiley buttons are shown, they are still usable.

Omg, it's sooooooo good.
I don't know what to say.
I'm completely speechless.

You are such a good writer. It felt so real.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

Thank you so much for posting your fanfic here.
I hope to read more soon.

SOOOO GOOOOOD!!!!!!

Ishtargodess, but I still like your name Jossa.. I check your blog almost everyday and I kinda miss your updates. No rush, I know you may have some work to be accomplished somewhere (but your fanfic is so amazing and your one-liners are just to die for..)..Looking forward to it.!!

omg i luv your fanfics! you are such a great writer!
thank you so much for da fics ishtargoddess!

wow where's u one shot - whises chapter...yeah me too i felt that i like u name Jossa more ..hehehe...but dont worry even u updated here..i still a loyal follower for u blog then...