“Why can’t I let you go? Why am I like this?”





CHAPTER 1

CAUGHT FAKING IT




“What was I thinking?! Oh my…oh my…dumb Shin Hye, dumb Shin Hye!” Park Shin Hye mutters to herself as she skims through articles online quoting her diary entry yesterday about her current state of mind. Oh but I was just being honest, right? I’m really sad parting with Go Mi Nam.


And Hwang Tae Kyung..? a small voice inside her head asked, making her bit her lip in frustration again. Now all the world knows what she’s feeling and judging from the comments from the fans she has read so far, she knows what she wrote online has been subjected to different interpretations…and oddly enough, quite a few of them are not really far from the truth!


But the thing she is most dreading right now is not what other people think of what she just wrote…it’s what one particular person thinks! What would he think if he reads about this? Would he, like most of the fans, think it’s about him,too? She feels herself flush with sudden embarrassment at the thought! But Oppa would never think about that, would he? He can really be a flirt sometimes but he is never one who would feel so presumptuous about how other people feels toward him. Didn’t he tell her one time that he is as dense as the guy next door when it comes with girls’ feelings? “I’m really like Tae Kyung, now that I think of it, because I’m also usually the last one to know when a girl kinda likes me,” he said, referring to a scene in the script where Tae Kyung was acting so clueless about how Go Mi Nam felt about him. Yeah, she remembers he told her that during one of the talks they had during breaks between shoots.


She remembers that quite vividly because that was when she told herself the unfamiliar feelings she was starting to feel towards him would actually be safe if she tried hard enough not to get caught, after all, given his admission to being dense.


“But I think I have started digging my own grave this time, pig-rabbit!” she cries in exasperation while clutching the dwaeji-tokki in her lap. Online, in a forum where her diary entry has again been re-posted for god-knows-how-many-times that day, a fan wrote in squeal-like fashion, “I think Park Shin Hye is referring to Jang Keun Suk in that entry!”


Shin Hye lays down her head in front of her laptop and groans in embarrassment. “Shin Hye, you’re so dead!”



~0o0~



“This girl surely knows how to weave words eloquently…” Keun Suk muses as he scrolls down the cursor, reading Shin Hye’s much-talked about diary entry. He has just got home from Japan yesterday and today is his free day to catch up on sleep, rest and visit his fan sites online. He has just been a few minutes into a forum when he got curious about a diary entry purportedly written by Shin Hye on her cyworld. His fans are dissecting and analyzing the diary so contentiously that he wanted to know if it really exists on Shin Hye’s site. And it does. He is on her diary page right now reading about her thoughts and he smiles to himself, admiring the choice of words and her poetic way of articulating her feelings… “Avant-Hye, you’ve really become attached to Go Mi Nam, right?”


He chuckles as he reads on the various interpretations of Shin Hye’s entry to the netizens. A lot of them are with the same conclusion that Shin Hye was referring to him in that entry and he just couldn’t understand why they think about that when it is so obvious that she was just referring to her character Go Mi Nam. He should know because he was a witness on how Shin Hye immersed herself into the role. She has been breathing and living as Go Mi Nam for three months that sometimes it was so hard to differentiate the real Shin Hye from Mi Nam. Like Mi Nam in the drama, Shin Hye is also as naïve and adorably clueless in real life.


He still remembers how as the love story in the drama progresses between Hwang Tae Kyung and Go Mi Nam, Shin Hye would bombard him with questions on whether she was acting the part of someone really hopelessly in love convincingly or not. And he would tease her endlessly about being such a good actress because he thought she was acting from experience. “Oppa! I’ve never even been in love for real except in dramas, so how could I know if I’m evoking the real feeling? That’s why I’m asking for your help,” she pleads, pouting like a child.


“Is that so?” he continued his teasing, “And to think you made my mother cry buckets in your drama Tree of Heaven watching you fall in love! Shin Hye must really be a good actress,” he laughed.


“Really, your mother watched that drama?” she asked, genuinely surprised.


He nodded. “She really liked you in that drama because she said you acted so real.”


She laughed, a little embarrassed. “I was so young then I even thought I was not doing the character justice. So Oppa, you must help me act for real this time okay? I would hate to disappoint your mother,” she teased back.


She was that adorably clueless about her gift as an actress. But one thing she is not so clueless about is her duty to her craft. She would constantly be seen during breaks in one corner, memorizing her lines diligently and interacting with her colleagues, discussing the scenes they would do together. And because they have more scenes together, she would always approach him every time she wants to practice a scene together and ask him for suggestions on how to make the scene more real for the viewers. Her work ethics on set was really amazing and even with the long hours and sleepless nights and days, he never heard her complain about anything. He has had a glimpse of this part of Shin Hye before when they were filming a series of CFs together but filming a drama is an entirely new thing which requires more effort, patience and dedication. And Shin Hye, to his delight, never once disappointed him.


“That sweet girl is a real gem, isn’t she?” he recalls his mom pointing that out to him one time he was home from shooting. They were catching a re-run of the pilot episode of You’re Beautiful together with his grandmother and aunt. “You look good together, Keun Suk. Your chemistry is undeniable on-screen,” his grandmother pointed out. He couldn’t agree more. “We really hit it off, grandma, that’s for sure. For someone younger than me, I really am learning a lot from her, acting wise.” And that was the truth. Shin Hye is one of those rare actresses in the industry who really could inspire a fellow actor to act better because in every scene, you really could feel her presence in the character she is portraying. Shin Hye becomes Go Mi Nam the minute the director says action. And for him, such talent inspires him to do his best even more.


“She looks like a suitable match for our Keun Suk, don’t you think, mother?” he heard her mother said jokingly to his grandmother and Keun Suk groaned good-naturedly. “Yah! Omma, you’re plotting behind my back again! Shin Hye is too young for me.”


Both mother and grandmother laughed. “Too young for you? She’s just the right age for you, Keun Suk. If you ask me, you are the one too young for your noonas!” his mother teased and both women laughed again, leaving him without anything more to say other than to shake his head.


Sure, the girl is pretty and talented and she is not one of those damsels-in-distress types that are just so achingly faking sweet. She can be, as he was beginning to find out, just one of the boys when she wants to and still be sweet as candy and nurturing as an ahjumma like the one time she peeled chestnuts for the cast or when she made hot drinks for Hong Ki, Yong Hwa and himself during the swimming pool shoot.


But she is just way too young for my taste. Omma must be joking.

“Please, don’t let me believe something that does not exist. I’m already living in the world of make-believes…but my heart is something real.”




CHAPTER 2

MISLEADING



Shin Hye breathes through the glass on her window and doodles a star on the moistened area. She smiles and immediately feels silly. Just like Go Mi Nam, eh?Ahh.. when will this madness end? She muses as she stares blankly at the fading star on the window glass. This must be stopped before it gets the better of me. She has been down with a fever (which her manager was suspecting to be flu for a few days now) and the much-needed bed rest she has been craving for quite sometime now is hers to enjoy but not being around a camera crew and a script gave her something more dreadful to do than a root canal --- analyzing her feelings. It is a bad habit of hers whenever she is bothered by something -- thinking things over and dissecting her feelings until she gets to a rational thing to do about the issue at hand. And whatever she is feeling now is slowly turning to be a problem. You’ve got to be kidding Shin Hye. It was just a role. Your character fell in love with him. It was a great love story. It was a happy ending. Now, it’s time to move on. Act like the professional actress you want to be. Stop it.



She shakes her head in self-disgust. It is such a childish thing for her to feel like this. Falling for a co-star? What a moronic thing to do. There must be some way out of this…a rational way! She grabs a pen and a notebook and started writing.


Why do I feel this way? Because I think I like him.

Why do I like him? Because he is such a great person to be with… and well, he is cute. Then what is the problem with that?

It’s because a part of me wants him to like me, too. But I don’t think he does.

So what should you do?

Un-like him. Bear in mind that he is just another oppa who is just friendly with me.



Yes, that’s it. Don’t let yourself be carried away by the fan support, Shin Hye, she tells herself. You fell in love with Hwang Tae Kyung just like how a thousand other fan girls out there did. But you’re not Go Mi Nam. Not anymore. And Keun Suk is not Hwang Tae Kyung.




~0o0~



“Does Shin Hye know about this gig already?” Keun Suk asks his manager over the phone as he reads on his email the script for the Melon Music Awards hosting gig sent to him. He had accepted the hosting job even before You’re Beautiful wrapped up but he was told earlier that week that there have been some changes done to the format of the show and he smiled when he found out in the email the changes they were talking about…it was Shin Hye. The producers decided to incorporate the Hwang Tae Kyung-Go Mi Nam mania in the show since he was already hosting the event. Shin Hye will co-host with him in the 2nd part, he was told. This would be great news for the fans of the drama, the producers said and he couldn’t agree more.



“I think so. Her manager has confirmed her commitment to the show already. But I think she’s down with the flu right now so she wasn’t able to meet the producers earlier,” his manager replied.



The phone has been ringing for the third time before Shin Hye’s sleepy voice came on the line. “Oppa?”



“I told you you’re going to get sick if you don’t watch it, didn’t I?” the all-too familiar voice is stern but a hint of his usual teasing is hard to miss. “Is your flu contagious?”



Shin Hye gives a small laugh. “It’s just a fever, oppa. Not the dreaded flu. And I would never have missed that skiing trip for anything anyway, so stop reminding me that you chickened out to be out in the cold while we had a blast skiing up and down those slopes!”



“Don’t rub it on my face, wonder girl. My old brittle bones just couldn’t stand the cold, you know. Must be such a great feeling to be so young, huh?” he chuckles heartily that Shin Hye catches herself smiling warmly on the other line.



“Ahjussi!”



“Yah! Who are you calling Ahjussi? Pig-Rabbit!” he said in his Tae Kyung voice and Shin Hye starts to feel her heart actually melting. That’s Go Mi Nam’s heart, not mine, she tries to remind her brain quickly.



“Aren’t you supposed to be in a holiday, oppa?” she asks, changing the topic so she can re-start her malfunctioning heart once again.



“I will be leaving later this week which reminds me why I called you in the first place. Did you receive the Melon hosting script yet? I have it in my email just now and I was happily surprised that you’ll be co-hosting the event with me.”



Happily surprised. Does that mean…? Stop it, Shin Hye! “ Yeah, actually I just got it this morning but I just skimmed through it but I think the concept is fun, right, oppa? Mi Nam and Tae Kyung hosting, that’s a nice concept.”



She heard him laugh again. “I agree. That will be a nice fan service for all YAB fans out there.”



Fan Service. That’s a nice way to put it, she muses.



“…so I’m wondering if we can meet before I leave for my short vacation to read through the script together even just for once? But if you don’t feel well, maybe we can just do it when I get back,” he said and she can’t help but marvel at how he takes his job so seriously. He must want to check if we click hosting the event together, she thinks. Well, I would like to see him, too.



“I should be feeling better and totally rested by tomorrow, oppa. And that would also give me time to review the script more thoroughly. So I can meet you at your agency by…what time?”



She heard him laugh again. “No, let’s not meet at the agency. I know of a small café near my place that serves great food. The place is usually quiet at around 2 pm which would be just perfect for us to read and brainstorm through the script.”



Shin Hye feels her cheeks starting to burn. “2 pm is fine with me, oppa.”



“And since you just live a few blocks away from me, I’ll just pick you up, ok? Rest well, Shin Hye.” And before she can utter a reply, Keun Suk has put down the phone.



Now, that didn’t seem like I just asked her out on a date, did it? Keun Suk asks himself as soon as he cuts the line. The last thing he wants to do is to scare her.




“I never expected you to happen. You’re not the one I’ve been looking for. This is insane.”





CHAPTER 3

AWAKENING



Keun Suk is a guy who knows exactly what he wants and knows how to get it. He isn’t the type that would bend down to what is the norm rather, he is one who would go against the tide, sometimes just for the heck of it. This has been evident in the choices he has made in his life and in his career in show business. “I don’t want to be tied up doing what every one else is doing. I want to establish my own brand by doing my own thing,” he once told his manager when he was just starting. And this attitude has somehow helped him establish a reputation in the industry as a versatile actor and entertainer. He experiments with just about anything he can put his hand onto, even with fashion. He is aware how the media and his fans often get confused of his choice of quirky fashion. But he enjoys trying out new things and offering new sides of himself to the public. He believes that he should never let them get bored by showing up in a safe, little package every time he steps into the limelight. That’s just so boring. He picks out project that he thinks would make him grow more as an actor and he makes sure he enjoys himself in every thing he does. Blessed with a good, distinctive manly voice, good looks, a passion for acting and entertaining, and an undeniable charisma, he has slowly but surely started building a name as a Hallyu star.

But everything has a price, he learned this early on in his career. Starting out so young, he practically grew up before the public eye. And although he is thankful for all the blessings that have come to his career these past 13 years, he also had made a lot of sacrifices to make it this far. He had made a lot of compromises, sometimes involving his family and people close to him, that at one point he felt he had to draw the line somewhere. So he did…by not drawing any line between his public and personal life.

He shows up in public places with his non-showbiz friends in regular clothes in regular days. He tells personal and family stories in interviews like he is talking with old friends rather than in national TV. He updates his fans of his random activities outside the limelight. He lurks like a regular fan in his fan sites and forums and goes to university just like anyone else. He even rides in trains and public transport without attempting to disguise himself. And yes, he even dates openly in public, to his manager’s chagrin. “My life doesn’t have to stop just because I’m an actor. I need to live it the way I want to, just like any regular guy,” he would reason out whenever concerns about his privacy are under debate. And so they just let him be.

Come to think of it, I haven’t been in a relationship for quite a while, he muses as he lays on his bed. He had been buried in work for the past 3 years that he never noticed that it has been that long since he last had a girlfriend. Oh, there had been girls, all right. Girls that would approach him in a party or at a club, the sort of girls whom he knows he would unlikely remember again the next day either because their faces were buried in deep make-ups or that he was too wasted to remember them. And those kinds of meetings hardly register to him to warrant even a follow-up call from him (assuming that he actually bothered to get the girl’s number the night before).

Not that he is wanting from female companionship, anyway. He is surrounded by too much female love at home thanks to his mom and grandmother, one of the advantages of being an only child. He has a lot of close female friends, too, from school and from the industry. Enough girl friends to have people speculating if I date them for real or not, he chuckles to himself. Every now and then he would come across speculations about him and some random female friend of his in online forums, whether they are actually dating or not and he would just laugh it off because unknown to many, the girl in question would often be the real girlfriend of one of his buddies. Besides, he never dates his female friends, not in a romantic way.

And more importantly, it’s because he, Jang Keun Suk, still believes in love at first sight. And you don’t fall in love at first sight with your friends, right?



The first time he saw Park Shin Hye up close, he thought of her as just a pretty, little sister. Nothing more.

It has been almost a year ago when he first met her all grown-up and dolled up. It was at a script reading they did for a CF they would be doing together. Oh, she finally grew up, he thought to himself while introductions were made. Before that meeting, he already had researched on his co-star and was satisfied and quite impressed with what he found out. She had been acting for quite a while, did a lot of CFs already, a good singer and an excellent dancer based on the video footages he watched about her. He remembered they already worked together once, years ago but it was just a small project and they only had a few scenes together. But at least, that would be a start, he thought.

He had worked with her once when they were in their early teens in a sitcom when she appeared as a guest and he was a mainstay of the program but he never had the chance to get to know her personally. Besides, he remembered her as too shy behind the cameras, sticking to her manager’s side the whole time they were shooting. But now, looking at her beautiful eyes and shy but warm smiles, he immediately noticed that she somehow discovered the art of charming people since they last met.

“Jang Keun Suk sunbae, it is nice to meet you again,” Park Shin Hye smiled and greeted him warmly.

Keun Suk laughed at her too formal words. “Park Shin Hye, let’s not get too formal. Calling me sunbae makes me feel sooooo old,” he said, and she laughed softly. “Call me oppa instead.”

“Ahrasso, Keun Suk-oppa,” she smiled warmly and he noticed how a small dent on her chin moves as she twisted her lips for a smile. A chin dimple! How cute, he thought. He never noticed that in her photographs before.

As the director and production handed them the scripts, they were briefed on the concept of the CF storyboard.

“You already know that there would be a kissing scene in one of the CFs in the series, right?” the director asked the two actors seated across each other at the conference table. The two nodded.

“But what I didn’t tell you, Shin Hye…” the director said, addressing her with an apologetic smile, “ ...is that the concept wouldn’t require just a simple peck on the lips kiss, but a more real, passionate one. Do you think you can do that?”

All eyes on the table descended on Shin Hye who sat there with her mouth slightly agape and her eyes on her manager. The manager smiled at her and then turned to the director. “Well, it’s Shin Hye’s decision if she wants to do a more daring kiss.” Turning back to Shin Hye, the director waited for her reaction.

Shin Hye slightly embarrassed, bowed her head and clears her throat before speaking ever so slowly, looking at Keun Suk in the eyes, “ Keun Suk oppa, please take care of me,” which drew claps from everyone except for Keun Suk, who immediately replied in a poker face, “ Well, director, you didn’t ask me yet if I can also do that kind of kiss?” which garnered laughter from everyone.

“I’m joking, of course, Shin Hye,” he quickly added with a wide grin. “Thank you for trusting me that I will take care of you. I will try,” he joked again. And just like that, the ice was broken between them.

The much-talked about kissing scene was shot without any delay. Keun Suk made it a point to talk about the scene with Shin Hye before the camera started rolling. He gave her pointers on what he would do and asked her if it would be okay to do this and that. At first, just before their lips first touched, he felt Shin Hye’s chin slightly quiver. Sensing her nervousness, he deliberately faked a sneeze and asked for a cut. “Please give us a moment to talk the scene over one more time,” he asked the director before ushering Shin Hye to a corner.

“You were trembling,” he told her, concerned in his voice.

“I’m sorry, oppa. It’s just that I never made a passionate kiss scene before. I—I,” she wavers, “I have never ever kissed like this in real life.” Her head bowed in embarrassment. Her embarrassment made her so vulnerable which tug a soft string at his oppa’s heart. Poor little thing.

“Then let’s make our own little script for this scene so we can pull this through without too many NGs,” he said, his mind getting to work. He must help her get at ease or else they would end up kissing all day and night with too many NGs from the director. That would be more uncomfortable for her. “Imagine that you like me so much that kissing me would make you so happy and complete. Like being in love. You just have to close your eyes and savor the kiss. You don’t have to move your lips or your head. I will do the rest. Just trust me. But just relax, okay? I’m not a good kisser myself but just pretend I do a good job, okay?” he joked which made her smile.

“There, that’s easy. Smile, relax, take a deep breath. Imagine that we do this everyday. We’re in love, you’re waiting for this kiss. I’m Brad Pitt,” he heard her giggles even before he saw the dimples on her chin appeared.
“Oppa, I don’t like Brad Pitt,” she confessed, laughing while shaking her pretty head.

“Oh, okay. So I’m just Jang Keun Suk, then,” he replied, and they laughed together.

The kiss scene went smoothly after that. True to their agreement, she stayed relaxed the whole time they kissed and the number of takes after that which the director saw it fit to take. The initial nervousness he sensed in her gradually vanished after each take and she earned his respect for being so adept to his adlibs. When he tilted his head, she adjusted hers too, mimicking his actions and when he saw the finished shots, he found no traces of any nervousness or awkwardness on her at all. She acted like a natural and he immediately liked her for it. A natural actress, he observed. This kid will certainly go places.



Did he find her attractive then? He asked himself, still lying on his bed, throwing and catching a tennis ball in his hands. No, his mind said. She was cute and pretty, that’s a fact. But she was too young for his taste. He liked his women matured and a little older. That was kind of a challenge to him, actually, to pursue a noona and make her fall in love with him. He had had girlfriends that were older than him and strangely enough, they were those that really lasted for a long time. It’s not that he never gets attracted to girls her age or those younger than him but he has found himself drawn more to older women. He really doesn’t know the reason but maybe because he finds them less giggly and immature and sugar candy-coated than their younger counterparts. Truth has to be told that if there’s anything he cannot stand in a girl it would be immaturity and childishness. Growing up in a home full of doting older women, he is used to having matured women for company and somehow that’s the first thing aside from the usual physical attributes he looks for in a girl he plans to date. And more often than not, he rarely finds girls around his age who are matured enough for his taste. And more importantly, these girls, as opposed to the women he liked, often do not have the maturity to understand his kind of job. This is where he really draws the line. He can never date someone who will constantly get jealous and compete with his job. He has learned that lesson a few times in the past.

But this girl thinks like an ahjumma most of the time, a little voice in his head reminds him from out of nowhere and he has to agree. The three months spent shooting with the drama cast had given him a lot of time to get to know Shin Hye more. And each time she opens her pretty mouth, it gives him more reason to believe that she is an ahjumma trapped in a girl’s body. Her view of things reminds her of his own mother sometimes. She is not one who is afraid to speak her mind when she thinks she is right. Once, when they were taking a break from shooting and they were supposed to rehearse a difficult scene together with a lot of lines, he made the mistake of making her wait in a corner while he happily chatted and joked with the other cast members, totally forgetting their rehearsal. The next thing he knew, she was dragging him to a corner, shoving his script in his hands while talking in an ahjumma voice, “ Keun Suk ah, you must not let a nice lady wait on you, especially when she has already read the script for the next scene three times in the last thirty minutes without a partner.” Her tone was stern but her voice was adorably dorky that he could not help but smile apologetically. “I’m sorry, ahjumma. I got carried away listening to Hong Ki’s jokes. Won’t happen again. Now where were we, Go Mi Nam?”

Make no mistake, she is still a kid at times who loves to doodle, giggle, sing and dance around the set, but she is an old soul with a nurturing streak which often shows on the way she treats the whole cast and crew. Oftentimes, she would bring food on the set, makes hot tea or coffee, or just bond with everyone, giggling with the girls and sharing the latest baseball news with the boys. And among the three of them – Hong Ki, Yong Hwa, himself – Shin Hye is really just one of the boys that Yong Hwa would often poke fun at her (“Oh, you’re a girl today!”) whenever she reports to the set dressed in skirts. She never complains or pouts, not even when she is already sleepy and tired. “It’s all part of the job, oppa. I chose to be in this business, I must put up with these kinds of inconveniences, right?” she told him once when they were talking themselves out of sleep at 3 AM, waiting to shoot the next scene, with barely two hours of sleep in the last 24 hours. Whining and being a primadonna are clearly alien concepts to this girl, he remembers telling himself that moment. Awesome.

She’s pretty cool. There is that voice again. Admit it, you’re drawn to her. He has to agree with that. It feels like he has known her for a long time. They even know how to finish each other’s ad libs already that it startled him at first. There is certainly a connection. And right now, it is driving him to his wits’ end figuring that connection out. This is crazy, he laughed. Even his erstwhile infatuation with Ha Ji Won noona years ago didn’t leave him dazed and confused like this. That’s because he knew it was just an infatuation early on. It was as simple as that. But this…what is this?! She’s young, naïve, she calls me oppa and she’s a friend! Hey Keun Suk, you’ve got to be kidding me! He chided himself.

Could it be that I’m still feeling like Hwang Tae Kyung? I like her as Hwang Tae Kyung, not as me. Yes! That’s it. That should be it. I’m just into the character still.

Now you’re the one who is kidding me, mocked the little voice in his head again.

Keun Suk stares at the ceiling for a long while until he gets up abruptly and grabs his phone. There is just one way to figure it out himself and he knows exactly what it is. And being Keun Suk, he also knows how to do it.

He starts to dial Park Shin Hye’s number.

“Let’s take it slow. I don’t want to make mistakes. You’re too beautiful to be a mistake.”



CHAPTER 4

TESTING THE WATERS



Did he just say he’s going to pick me up? Like here at my house? Shin Hye stares at her cellphone incredulously and let out a silent scream. She feels her cheeks burn so fast she fears her fever is coming back. Down girl, down, her rational mind quickly reminds her, it’s just part of the job.

She purses her lips and looks at herself in the mirror. “Yes, I know. But can I just be allowed to squeal like the excited girl with this huge crush which I actually am, even just for once? There are no cameras around. No anti-fans. No media. No Oppa. I think it’s safe to admit it, right?” she speaks loudly to her reflection.

Her tousled hair and burning cheeks stare back at her, waiting. She clears her throat. “Oppa, I think I like you. And I’m sorry I feel this way. It’s childish and you will probably kill me if you know about it. But don’t worry, it’s just a school girl crush. Or…or like a fan liking you. I will probably get over this soon. You won’t even notice it. I promise.”

You’d better, or you are so dead, Shin Hye, the voice in her head warns her. And she cringes again in self-loathing. If only she could divert her growing affections to anyone else.

If there’s something she can do best when it comes to emotions, it would be her ability to downplay her feelings. Shin Hye is not a girl who lets her emotions rule her. She can talk herself out of any situation by controlling her feelings. This is why her parents always call her Sensible Shin Hye. She thinks before she acts. She is never impulsive with her actions. Of course she is as emotional as the next girl but only when she wants to. She rarely displays negative emotions in public. If she gets offended by other people, she never reacts the way people expects her to be. She only wants to be happy all the time, to have a positive outlook in life no matter what and in the business she is in, she knows that controlling her emotions is one sure way to survive.

But don’t let her happy demeanor fools you, her older brother always love to point out, because underneath those smiles and sunny, giggly side of my sister is a girl who has enough spunk to fight for whatever she puts her heart into. Like how she can talk herself out of any negative feeling, she also has enough charm to talk other people into believing in her personal causes, just like when she talked her parents into letting her join the entertainment business at such a young age. Or when she suddenly developed the need to bring home every stray cat or dog in the neighborhood much to her mother’s exasperation…she wins her little battles all the time because she always has the determination to get the results she wants at any cost.

But she has never liked a boy before. Oh, she has had tons of crushes growing up, that’s for sure but all of those were never boys that she knew personally. Foreign and local actors, singers, sports stars. But never guys around her. Or, if the friend of her brother who plays awesome guitar chords can be counted, then that would be the first. But she quickly outgrew the crush when she found out the guy was dating an unnie she personally knew. She talked herself quickly out of it pronto when she learned about it because she knew it would be so useless to harbor such feelings any longer. Besides, if her brother knew about it, she knew he would forever blackmail her for it. So much for a short-lived crush.

Her first on-screen kiss was her real kiss in her life ever. She remembered feeling a little sad when the kiss was over and she realized that she just had her first real kiss with someone she barely knew in front of everyone else. But that’s part of your job description, she reminded herself then, some of the little sacrifices you must make as an actress. But when she was told to do a torrid kissing scene in a CF a year ago, she felt herself chickening out at the prospect. Can I at least save that for my real bf first? She screamed silently in her mind the moment the CF director asked her about it. But she was asked that question in front of everybody and before the actor she would be sharing the kiss with that she felt like a deer caught in the headlights. She acquiesced to the idea then, blindly trusting her instinct that Jang Keun Suk, the actor playing her partner in the CF, would be a gentleman at the very least and that he would at least somehow make it worthwhile to be her first torrid kiss.

And he didn’t disappoint. He was a perfect gentleman, taking the time out to rehearse with her, giving her heads-up on what he would do, what angle he would take the kiss from, where his lips would be. And he made it a point to calm her nerves before the take which she deeply appreciated. He was considerate and he was kind. She immediately liked him then, as a sunbae and as a colleague in the industry.

But I never knew I would like him this way, she hears her heart murmur as she applies a fresh coat of lipstick on her lips. She checks her watch and it says 1:45 PM. In fifteen minutes, she expects him to be at her doorstep to pick her up for their meeting. Date, the school girl in her counters and she smiles at the thought.

“Shin Hye, your date is here!” her brother calls out, banging at her door which makes her dash for it to shush him out. “Oppa, shut up!” she hisses through gritted teeth as she makes her way to the living room.

“Keun Suk oppa, I don’t believe you’ve met my brother,” she greets Keun Suk as soon as she sees him. She detects how her voice sounds a little shrilly and prays he doesn’t notice it. Damn these nerves.

“We’ve introduced ourselves already,” her brother interjects and she hears Keun Suk laugh.

“Yes, that’s right. I believe your parents are not here today,” Keun Suk says, smiling.

“No, I’m afraid they aren’t. They went for an errand out of town,” she confirms. I hope you meet them next time, she thinks wistfully.

“We’re just heading out to grab a bite while we discuss a script we have to do next week,” Keun Suk explains to her brother and her brother nods politely. But knowing him, Shin Hye can actually see the veiled “Yeah right” reaction of his brother at that moment. Oh brother, you actually think I stand a chance with him, right? Thank you for your confidence, she muses, warming up at the thought.

“So, I guess we better go, Oppa. I’m ready,” she cuts in while her brother can still shut his mouth, and turning to him, she bows and heads to the door.

She hears Keun Suk exchange goodbyes with her brother as she opens the door and waits for him outside. The chilly air somehow calms her nerves a little and she takes a deep breath.

“Are you feeling any better, now?” she hears Keun Suk’s voice from behind her.

“Yeah, the fever is gone. It’s nice to be out after three days on house arrest,” she jokes as she trails him to his car.

She bows as he opens the passenger door for her. Buckling for the seatbelt, she asks curiously, “Oppa, how did you know where I live? I was planning to text you the direction earlier but it somehow slipped my mind.” She was really going to text him but buckled the last minute because she wanted to know how he would find her house without her help.

He tilts his head to her and smirks, “I have my connections, Avant-Hye.”

If I were Go Mi Nam I could have done a pig-nose already, her mind screams as she forces out a nonchalant laugh. “Oh, I see.”

She doesn’t remember giving her address to him before. But she does remember talking about her neighborhood one time and Keun Suk said that he lives just a mere 10-minute drive away from hers.

“I asked it from your manager.”

She feels herself turn rigid all of a sudden. She didn’t even tell her manager about this meeting. She figured that she would just inform him later and besides, Keun Suk did tell her that he was asking the meeting as friends discussing a project together which meant that he would be meeting her alone without his manager and the usual entourage. That was what he told her the second time he called her last night.

Hours after his first phone call to her yesterday, she got another call from him that night. She sensed the hesitation in his voice the moment she heard him speak out her name.

“Shin Hye-ssi…” his voice trailed on, she could hear a soft tapping sound in the background.

“Oppa?”

“Mmmm…I just want to let you know that…mmm…tomorrow, I wouldn’t be bringing my staff with me at our meeting…coz my manager is going out of town and so…is it okay if you come alone, too? I mean, it’s just in the neighbourhood anyway…unofficial business between friends,” he blabbered on.

Unofficial business between friends. “Ahrasso, oppa,” she answered immediately, not knowing what else to say. The thought of spending time alone with him was making her feverish again, she swore. But she did know this side of Keun Suk. He likes to be in public places, not minding his star status. He likes to blend in with the crowd and although she knew that being seen with her in a public place could spark a scandal between the two of them, not to mention generating a million of antis for her, she did not have the heart to turn him down.

“Don’t worry, the place is really quiet and the customers are usually ahjummas and ahjussis sipping teas quietly by themselves. They wouldn’t even give us a second glance,” he assured her as if reading her thoughts.


So why on earth did you have to involve my manager all of a sudden? “You called my manager to ask me about my address?” You could have just asked me.

He nods. “Yeah, I figured I would inform him myself that I asked you to meet me today. I do not want to get you in trouble in case this meeting leaks out somewhere. You know how the media can be crazy with things like this. I just wanted to tell him I will be responsible if a scandal breaks out,” he chuckles.

“Thank you, oppa,” she smiles warmly at her. Be still, my heart.


The afternoon passes quickly as the two starts on reviewing their scripts. They throw ideas at each other, exchange anecdotes of their own respective past experiences in hosting and trade stories about their acting experiences.

“Have you ever been on Champagne?” Keun Suk asks, suddenly curious.

Shin Hye shakes her head. “The one with the ‘Ideal Type World Cup’?”

“Yes, that’s the one. I will be taping for it when I get back, before the Melon Awards. And I think I know someone who’s gonna be in my list of contenders,” he baits, teasing her.

She almost chokes on her tea. “Well, oppa, I hope you don’t eliminate me too soon. Spare my pride,” she pouts with puppy-dog eyes which cracks him so much he bursts out in laughter.

“I’ll definitely choose you over Go Mi Nam,” he blurts out.

“Oh, thank you for the honor, oppa,” she says, humoring him.

Keun Suk looks at her and a thought suddenly comes to mind. “Tell me, if you’re the one on the show, who would be your top 5?”

She ponders for a second then says, “Well, since you’re in front of me right now, I guess I have to put you in the list, right?”

He laughs. That’s a good one. “Okay, let me rephrase the question then. Top 5 attributes you look for in a guy?”

“Hmmm…that’s easy. A good heart, a good mind, one who has something he’s passionate about, one who loves kids and one who loves life.”

“What about being handsome?”

“Well, that would be top 6,” she grins.

Good girl. “You’re really an ahjumma trapped in a 20 year-old’s body, you know that?”


As he drives Shin Hye home, he ponders on what he feels now that he had just spent a whole afternoon with her alone and he is not surprise to feel light-hearted. It was like spending time with an old friend. He feels comfortable with her as usual but somehow being with her made him a little giddy at some point. And he wants to spend some time with her again. There are a lot of things he wants to confirm from himself which he could only do if he is with her. He wants to know her more, too. He does not want to scare her, though, so he knows he must tread carefully around her. He looks at her from the corner of his eyes and sighs softly. You might not look the part, but something tells me that you are unbreakable. But still, I want to be responsible.




“I don’t think I’m ready to be tamed. A few have certainly tried before but never succeeded. I still want to run wild and free. So why do I have the sudden urge to try to run at your own pace when you’re not even trying to tame me?”



CHAPTER 5

TAMING THE LION




“Aigoo, why did I give birth to a son who couldn’t keep still in one place long enough to make his mother happy?” Keun Suk’s mom complains as she serves him a hearty breakfast. In two days, he would hop in another plane yet again to head to somewhere warmer where he could frolic under the sun and get his much-deserved R&R. He can actually taste the sweet smell of the beach and feel the warmth of the sands already. Even just for a few days, he knows he can be rejuvenated by a short vacation away from the limelight, from his hectic schedules and from prying eyes.


He walks over to where his mom is standing by the sink and embraces her. “Omma, stop making me feel guilty. You know I need to recharge right? And I can’t have a decent vacation here. I need to go somewhere warmer. This Korean winter is killing me. Please understand,” he speaks in the little baby voice which he knows will always melt his mom’s heart.


His mom gives a soft laugh. “This boy! You always do what you want. I couldn’t even get a hold on you and to think I’m your mother.”


Keun Suk lets out a hearty laugh. “Yah, Omma, I only listen to you, you know that! And you know I love to run free. You know me best.”


She tousled his head lovingly. “I know. But sometimes I feel that you run too freely I can’t even keep pace with you anymore. You’re growing too fast. I just miss the little boy I can carry around wherever I go.”


He teases, “Why the sudden cheesiness, Omma? Must be the cold weather, huh? I ought to bring you with me to warmer climates, eh?”


His mom shakes her head in resignation, heaving out a sigh. “That’s why sometimes I think you really need someone to tame that restless lion in you. If I, your own mother, can’t tame you, there must be someone out there who can.”


Keun Suk gives a soft yell. “Wo-ho! I knew you were going to that! I just knew it. But, who could be that someone who can finally tame me, Omma?” he playfully asks, humouring her.


He sees a mischievous glint in his mom’s eyes and he suddenly knows she has been up to something again. “Yah, Omma. What have you been up to this time? Please don’t tell me you set me up for a match-making!” he shouts, suddenly afraid. Sometimes when his mom is bored, she can really do outrageous things that would end up having him as the victim. Him or his dad, she just had to choose.


“Of course not! You certainly don’t need to go in blind dates, do you? But if you want to, I can quickly arrange for one!” she teases which agitates him more.


“Omma, cut it out! What did you do this time? Please tell me it’s not something scandalous!”


She laughs, clearly enjoying herself. “It’s nothing serious. I was just bored the other day and I happened to pass by a fortune telling stall downtown on my way to the grocery so I thought I would check it out.”


Keun Suk’s mind starts racing. Oh, whose friend’s daughter is up this time? The last time she went to a fortune teller seeking a match for him, it was with an old friend’s daughter she just met at a wedding party. The match didn’t go well, their stars were at opposite ends but still it amused his mother. “She was actually a lot older than you. I just wanted to find out if your stars would match with a noona’s. I’m glad it didn’t,” she later revealed, again making fun at his preference to noonas.


“Are you curious yet? I tell you, it’s a match this time!” his mom asks, picking out a paper from her apron’s pocket. “I have the results!”


Keun Suk’s gives her a poker expression, “Okay, Omma. You win. I’m curious now. Tell me, who’s the lucky girl this time? The ahjumma at the grocery store?”


“Aniyo. It’s someone you know personally. It’s that sweet girl, Park Shin Hye.”


Keun Suk feels his head swells a little. “And you said that it’s a match?” He wouldn’t even dare to ask how she got hold of Shin Hye’s birth date and sign. What really piques his curiosity is --- “Why Park Shin Hye all of a sudden? Have you run out of your friends’ daughters?” he jokes.


“Now someone is getting a little too curious,” her mom keenly observes, eyeing him with laughing eyes. “I like her. She is pretty and she seems to be a very nice girl. And the fortune teller said that someone with a birth date and sign like hers complements the fiery nature of yours. She can tame you.”


Ah, so that’s where the taming and running wild and free talk came from. “So what do you think I should do now, Omma?” he nudges her, a playful smirk toying on his face.


“There’s no harm in trying, that’s all I’m saying. Why don’t you take her out one of these days, treat her to dinner, get to know her more. Or bring her here. I would love to meet her. I have always been a fan.”


Getting my mom’s approval just like that, without even trying? Your stars must really be lucky. He drinks his cup of coffee, plants a kiss on his mom’s head and says, “Let’s see what I can do, Omma,” he smiles at her, his eyes shining and heads out of the dining room.


The conversation with his mom has stayed in his mind the whole day through. Was it just coincidence that his mom took a liking to Shin Hye enough to have her consult a fortune teller? He shakes his head incredulously. Omma is never the type who meddles in his personal affairs. She pairs him up with virtually every girl’s birth date and sign she could have her hands on all right, but it was always behind his back. She never shoves it to him like what other moms do to their sons. And she does that just for fun, he knows that. His past girlfriends had all been welcomed by his mom without much ado. His preference towards older women was never made an issue although she would make occasional comments about it from time to time, poking a fun at him. But that was it. “I trust you enough to know that you will always make the right choice, whether with girls or with your life,” his mom once told him. And he vowed never to prove her wrong.


It’s like something a fan would do, he thinks. But he has to admit, it looks cute. And who would ever think Shin Hye and him are fated to match, at least by fortune teller’s standards? He lets out a wide grin at the thought as he proceeds to another interview session with a magazine.


With his mom’s latest trip to the fortune teller on his mind, it is no wonder that when the interviewer asks him something about Park Shin Hye that day, he tells them the story about how his mom adores his co-star and how she found out that they are well-matched for marriage. It is a cute gesture he thinks he should share for their fans and he didn’t give it much thought until he gets online the following day.


Online forums are flooded with discussion about what he just spilled the day before, zeroing to the cute, seemingly harmless story of his mother’s trip to the fortune teller. Now both his fans and Shin Hye’s are dissecting and analyzing that interesting part. Are they or aren’t they? the fans speculate. He smiles at their astuteness, how creative they can be in their imagination, and laughs at some of their theories and fantasies.


“I think they are already dating!” writes one fan. Hmm, getting there, he says out loud at the computer screen.


“Just date already!” squeals another. Give us sometime, buddy, he answers silently to the request.


Ah, if only he could let all the fans know what he is really feeling right now, maybe they can help him get the girl. Which reminds him of her. What would she think when she reads these news? Would she feel uncomfortable, threatened or awkward? Dumb-ass, you should have thought of that when you opened your big mouth, he chided himself when realization dawns on him. What must she and her manager think of him with this news? Aaargh!



“Oppa, are you playing with my feelings?” Shin Hye asks the screen as she reads the news article on Jang Keun Suk’s latest interview. Is this just a fan service? She asks herself. But surely, if it is for the fans, he would at least consult her first with the idea, right? Not like this. Surely he must know how news like this could antagonize some fans out there who would then turn their vengeful eyes on her. The last thing she wants right now is to have antis.


But why involve your Omma if it is just a fan service? She ponders on. The thought of his mom liking her further fans the embers of her growing emotions a little more but she knows she must take the news with a grain of salt. The bit about the fortune teller really got her giddy when she read about it, though. If that part is true, she could die happily just right now.


Should she clarify this with him? Surely, the press would also ask for her reaction before long. What would she tell them? How could she properly react to something she doesn’t have the slightest idea about? And her manager is already getting suspicious about her and Keun Suk. That was absurd but she couldn’t blame him for thinking that way. What with the private meeting they just had and now this kind of news from Keun Suk. If I were my manager, I would start getting suspicious, too. What to do? What to do?


Her answer comes in the form of a phone call.



“So, have you decided where to spend our honeymoon?” the distinct voice playfully asks her even before she can say hello. “I think someone mentions about Africa. Are you up to it?”


“Oppa! What was that about?” she blurts out, relieve to know that it’s him on the other line.


He laughs, a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you beforehand, Shin Hye-ssi. My mistake. I know I should have just kept my mouth shut about that thing with Omma. It just came out in the interview because they asked me about you and the first thing that came to mind was that and I thought it was hilarious and I wanted to share it to the fans,” he explains lengthily. Why are you blabbering, Keun Suk?


“So that part was true? Your Omma really went to a fortune teller?” her voice sounds small all of a sudden.


“Uh-huh. Funny, right? I don’t even know how she got your birth day or your sign. She must have been lurking in online forums, too, yeah?” he jokes, more to himself.


Shin Hye laughs at the thought of his mom lurking in online forums like a devoted fan. “I hope she got my data right, though. Must be a waste if she got it all wrong.”


She hears him laugh again. “It was right. Exactly like what you shared with us when we were asking each other’s signs and stuff with the guys last time.”


“So that was not just fan service, then, Oppa?” she can’t help but ask him about it. She has to.


“You actually think I just made that up, huh?” He asks, a little startled. How could she think like that?


“It’s not like that, Oppa. It’s just that I – well, who would have thought about your mom doing something like that? I mean, like in the movies?”


“Yeah, I know. The part where I decided to share that bit of information to the public, maybe that’s fan service. But my Omma’s participation? Oh THAT really happened. That was real.”


Stop! I’m nearly out of breath, she pleads silently as she listens to him. This is too much information she can handle in one phone call. Don’t keep my hopes up.


“I called to tell you I’m sorry for any confusion or inconvenience the news may have caused you. Please forgive me. Next time, I will see to it that you’re in with the secret before I leak it to the press. Ahrasso?”


“Ahrasso, Oppa,” she answers warmly.


“But you have to admit that our wedding photos online are hilarious, yeah?” he reminds her again and they both burst out laughing.



I’m leaving for my holiday tomorrow, Keun Suk tells the phone on his hand long after they said their goodbyes. When I get back, I hope to spend time with you again. Not before the cameras. Just Keun Suk and Shin Hye. Do you think we can do that?

“I know it when he is serious or just playing around. He can be a wild kid but he knows his limits. He’s becoming a man and the transformation I see everyday never fails to amaze me.”



CHAPTER 6


OUTSIDE LOOKING IN




Manager Lee has seen Keun Suk grow through the years. He was a witness to the kid’s perseverance and sheer determination to succeed in an industry full of uncertainties. Keun Suk is a happy person, always friendly, always armed with a smile and always full of energy and charisma. He is a person who can strike a conversation with just about anyone. And he never runs out of confidence in himself, of what he can do and what he can offer. Such confidence, Manager Lee knows, has somehow been misunderstood by critics and detractors as a massive ego waiting to explode. Add that to Keun Suk’s outright disregard to separate his private and public lives, which make him more vulnerable to every prying eyes, Manager Lee is aware that his ward has somehow earned the reputation as being a wild child who loves clubbing and partying and more importantly, loves inviting everyone’s attention to himself.



But all those misconceptions about Keun Suk are always eclipsed by the fact that he is oozing with raw talent and passion, not to mention the good looks and a great voice to match. He is the total package every producer or director wants. He has been touted as one of the next big things that will happen to Hallyu and Manager Lee is really proud of what Keun Suk has achieved so far. The kid deserves it. He has earned it, having been in the industry half his life. He always puts his heart in every project that comes his way, always thankful for the opportunity to work and hone his craft. At such a young age, he has already earned the respect of his peers in the industry for his dedication to his work. Such a show-off, his detractors say of him. They must have mistaken Keun Suk’s openness as bragging, his talkativeness as offensive, his penchant for perfection as too much and his willingness to share his life and his passions as too disconcerting. But that is just Keun Suk. Take it or leave it.



But he does lead a very active social life, this boy. He loves being around people, going to clubs and attending parties that sometimes Manager Lee has to remind him that he does not have to grace every party he has been invited to, all in the same night! Yet Manager Lee knows where this craving to be around people all the time stems from – growing up as an only child. Having no siblings of his own, he connects with people easily and gets attached quickly. Young or old, he really does not discriminate. He befriends everyone on the set, in school, in the agency, in the gym, and every place he might be. He builds no walls for himself. He does not alienate himself from the world. Even to his fans, he is known to be friendly, always reaching out to them, always ready with his trademark smile. In return, he receives love from everyone else, too. Especially from the girls.



Manager Lee is not one who likes to meddle in his ward’s private affairs. Leave that to his parents, he likes to say. Not that Keun Suk would allow him to meddle anyway. He has a mind of his own and he has made it clear early on that he will never do anything to jeopardize his career and Manager Lee has put his trust on him with those words.



He has been a witness to every girl that came and went in Keun Suk’s life for the past several years. There have been girls and women. But as far as he knows, there had only been two women who left indelible marks on Keun Suk. Only two. Until now.



Keun Suk can really be easy to read like an open book if you know him better, just like Manager Lee does. If he is interested in something, or someone, he has the habit of talking about her every chance he gets, researching information about her everywhere and talking about that person in conversations, consciously or unconsciously.



And lately these past few weeks, only one name has been in Keun Suk’s lips several times a day – Shin Hye. I’ve talked with Shin Hye about this…Shin Hye said…Did you know that Shin Hye was…Always Shin Hye this, Shin Hye that. And even now as Keun Suk sits on the sand in a tropical beach, with a cold beer in hand, their conversation always come around to that clueless girl in Korea, a thousand miles away.



Manager Lee can no longer stifle his laugh. “Three times,” he says, holding up three fingers to Keun Suk.



Keun Suk looks at him, confused. “What?”



“For the past hour, you have mentioned Shin Hye’s name three times. And we have been talking about baseball championships,” he tells him squarely. Taking a swig at his own beer, Manager Lee continues, “By the way, did you know that Shin Hye can do a killer pitch?”



Keun Suk nods. “Yeah. She did a left-handed pitch at the ---



Manager Lee burst out laughing. “See? That’s what I’m saying. You even know your facts. You’re obviously doing your homework, man.”



Furrowing his brows, clearly wanting to pretend he doesn’t know what his manager is talking about, Keun Suk asks stoically, “What do you mean?”



His manager shakes his head, staring far way into the ocean before them. “It has been awhile since you dated a girl, Keun Suk. Or even got really interested in one. It has always been all work for you and no play,” he says, matter-of-factly. “I guess it’s about time if you want to.”



Keun Suk takes a long swig from his bottle before making a reply. “I don’t want to play. Not this time. Not with her.”



Manager Lee smiles. So his hunches were right. “She is a good girl. You can see right through her that she has a big heart. And it doesn’t hurt either that she is beautiful.”



“Maybe too good for me, don’t you think? And she is young. Sometimes I feel I will only break her if I do one false move.” He can hear the reverence in Keun Suk’s voice.



“She is young but she doesn’t act or think her age. You must have noticed that by now. I think she’s made up of something solid. Not the type who would easily break.”



Keun Suk bows down his head and nods. “I know. That’s the first thing that caught my attention.”



“Does she know about how you feel?”



He shakes his head. “Aniyo. I want to take things slow," he says. Then like an afterthought, he turns to ask him in a concerned voice, "Do you think I stand a chance?”



Manager Lee looks at him, suddenly amused, then laughs as Keun Suk’s predicament dawns on him. Whatever happened to confident Keun Suk? “You’re having it real bad, are you? There is only one thing to do. Ask her yourself.”




“I want to say the right words and do the right things for him. Does he like me? Is there a chance that someone like him can find a simple, boring girl like me attractive? ”


CHAPTER 7


SPILLING THE BEANS



It is rehearsal day for the Melon Awards and Shin Hye cranes her neck towards the entrance of the music hall every time someone enters the door. She sits at the side of the stage and tries to remember what the production staffs are telling her regarding her blocking and spiels. Hasn’t he come back from his vacation yet? She wonders silently. He couldn’t be missing in this rehearsal if he is back in town already, right?


“Am I late?” the voice, that she has been waiting to hear these past few days, calls out to her from behind. She turns around, a ready smile on her lips. “Keun Suk-oppa!” That’s a little too cheerful, Shin Hye.


She looks at his face and immediately spots something different in him. “Wow. Nice tan,” she jokes. He certainly looks a little darker than his original complexion.


He smiles at her warmly, touching his cheeks a little self-consciously. “Is it that noticeable? Omma says I’m still too pale.”


“I can spot the difference. Wait, something is in your forehead,” she says, reaching out to flick a tiny speck of white from his forehead.


“What’s that? Am I having dry skin in that spot again?” Keun Suk self-consciously asks, rubbing his forehead.


“Must be the wind, Oppa. The cold dries up my skin easily, too,” Shin Hye observes, still looking at his face.


He looks at her, holding her gaze a little longer. I missed you, you know that? “Hey, your hair seems to have grown on this side quite fast!” he reaches out to touch the hair that covers her ears on the sides and he laughs as she expectedly jerks her head from the contact. “What? I’m just touching your hair, so silky,” he teases, enjoying the moment.


“Oppa, stop!” Shin Hye cries out, trying to escape from him but feels pinned by his hands holding her head. If there is something that could make her yell to no end it would be when someone touches her ears like that. It is the most sensitive ticklish part of her body. And ever since Keun Suk accidentally learned of this when they were filming the drama, he has never passed up any chance to torment her with it.


Keun Suk is laughing so hard at her cute little cries for help. He loves tormenting her like this because of the expressions on her face every time her ears get touched. She struggles to fight back but his hands are way too strong. “Oppa, please, stop it,” she said, half-laughing and half-pleading. “I will do anything you say, just stop!”


“Anything?” he asks, a mischievous glint in his eyes, stroking her ears again.


“Yes!” she cries, jerking her head and laughing uncontrollably.


“Okay, then,” he finally let her go, a wide grin on his face. “Let’s have dinner later. Your treat.”


The rehearsals wrap up quickly a few hours later. Was he serious about having dinner with me? Shin Hye asks herself as she packs up to leave. Her assistant is already waiting for her at the parking lot and she is deliberating whether to ask Keun Suk again if they will really be going out for dinner or not. He is still speaking to the director and the production crew at the opposite end of the hall. She sits quietly in the gallery and waits. I will just wait for him to finish and say goodbye. It will be too embarrassing to ask if we are still on with the dinner. Too forward, she tells herself. But I sure won’t mind having dinner with him right now. She hears her stomach grumbles. I’m starving.


From where he stands talking with the director, Keun Suk sees from his peripheral vision Shin Hye sitting just a few feet away, toying with her phone. She is waiting for me. He feels giddy at the thought. That’s a good sign.


“I always keep you waiting,” he says to Shin Hye, walking up to her. He smiles apologetically. “So where will you treat me for dinner?”


Shin Hye beams at his question. So he was really serious about their dinner date. “Anywhere you want, Oppa. Just keep your hands off my ears!”


He playfully reaches out for her ears again but she docks at the right time and runs ahead of him. He watches tenderly at her retreating figure. What is it about you that leaves me warm and giddy whenever I see you laugh or smile? He asks her wistfully.


At their dinner, Shin Hye basks in the presence of Keun Suk. She remembers how Go Mi Nam used to feel in front of Hwang Tae Kyung and marvels at how art has started imitating life, on her part, at least. Keun Suk is always a good conversationalist, never running out of stories to tell and never boring to be with. He makes her laugh and she also learns a lot from his stories. But what makes her feel special tonight is how Keun Suk tirelessly pays attention to her, teasing her, asking questions about her, giving her lingering glances that makes her heart beats at an insane rate only to stop unceremoniously whenever he flashes her a smile. Is he putting her under his spell?


“Do you like clubbing?” Keun Suk asks her, picking at a sushi roll on her plate. She grabs the hand holding the roll quickly towards her mouth and eats it before he could pry his hand away from her grasp. “That’s mine, Oppa,” she crinkles her eyes, feeling triumphant.


“I know that’s why I was about to feed it to you. You just beat me to it,” Keun Suk grins at her, obviously not wanting to be outwitted.


“Clubbing?” she repeats his question. “A little. Depends on my mood, actually. I love dancing but I feel dizzy being around a large crowd. I only go to clubs occasionally.”


“Wouldn’t it be great if we could go chill out in a club sometime with Hong Ki and Yong Hwa?” he suggests, his eyes sparkling. “So you can show us more of your dance moves. You dance really well.” He knows how good she dances. She can really bring the house down.


Shin Hye covers her eyes in mock embarrassment, obviously flattered. “Now, you are pulling my leg, oppa.”


She is beaming tonight, looking especially beautiful. Cheeks flushed with laughter, her eyes shining with vitality. The little make up she usually wears has worn off and her flawless skin shines through. He knows how soft that face feels in his hands. He perfectly understands why this girl is one of the most sought after endorser of cosmetics in South Korea. She is just naturally beautiful.


He looks at her steadily, his mind full of all the things he wants to tell her. You look lovely tonight. I like you. “I want to know you more,” he blurts out, thinking out loud. And as he realizes what he just said, he feels his ears burn at the same time he sees Shin Hye’s cheeks flush in deep crimson.


She looks at him, her eyes full of all the things she cannot bring herself to ask. What did you just say? Please don’t make me beg you to repeat it. Make yourself clear, oppa.


They lock gaze for the longest time since they have known each other. Each so afraid to ruin the moment, to make a false move, to do anything other than just look at each other’s lovely faces.


Shin Hye breaks the spell first. “Oppa, shall we get the bill?” She asks in a cheerful, shrilly voice. Strained, forced. Shocked.


“I want to get to know you more, Shin Hye,” he repeats himself, ignoring her question. “I need to see you often. I don’t know if you like me more than a dongsaeng does but I like you. And I’d like to be with you from now on.”


His words are clear as a spring day. His voice unwavering, soft and tender, just like the expression on his face. Then he bows his head and forces out a laugh. “I scared you.” But it has to be done sooner or later, he reasons out. I need to tell her before I explode.


Shin Hye’s lips move as if to speak, then closes abruptly. What is the proper thing to say? Will I nod? Will I say yes? But he didn’t ask a question! Will I tell him I like him, too? Shin Hye, speak up!


“Aniyo. I’m not scared,” she ultimately quips, in a small voice. “Keun Suk-ssi…” she says his name and sighs silently. The words are really harder to say when they are your own, not from a script.


Keun Suk cups her face in his hands and gawks at her playfully. “I don’t need you to tell me anything right now. Take your time. Just be ready with an answer when I finally ask you the question,” he warns meaningfully. He looks at her eyes warmly, holds her gaze for a second and pinches her chin before he lets her go. I definitely caught you off-guard, didn’t I? I would like for you to open yourself to me on your own. Not because I told you I like you first.


Shin Hye follows him with her eyes. My heart is bursting, oppa.


The ride home is expected to be awkward but Jang Keun Suk knows how to handle an awkward situation when he is in control. And now that he has finally let her know what he feels, he can act more openly, less guarded and uninhibited. Now he can express how he feels towards her without checking himself if he’s being out of bounds or not. The cat is out in the bag. I can finally act on how I feel.


It is Shin Hye who grows suddenly shy and quiet in the car and Keun Suk finds it adorable to watch her act a little jumpy whenever he steals a glance at her. She doesn’t look annoyed, only shy and somehow a little lost, he observes keenly. If that’s any indication of how she feels about him, he suddenly feels excited on what she would answer when he finally asks her the inevitable question.


But first, I need to put her at ease and calm her nerves.


“Shin Hye, can I see you again tomorrow?” he pulls to a full stop in front of her house.


She snaps back from her deep thought at his question and gives him a little smile. “Oppa, we will definitely see each other again tomorrow at the Awards.”


His face breaks out into a knowing smile. “I know, Avant-Hye. But I meant seeing you off camera, off work. After the show. Just Keun Suk and Shin Hye.”


She blushes, smiling impishly. “Oh. Of course, Oppa. But I’m afraid I won’t be able to see you longer than I want to. I have to catch an early flight the morning after.”


“You’re leaving?” He feels dejected all of a sudden.


“To Nepal. I’m going for the volunteer project for a show. I believe I mentioned it to you once,” she explains. She sees how his face fell a little when she mentions that she’ll be away and her heart swells a little more.


“Ah,” he says as he suddenly remembers. “Has it been scheduled this week already?”


She nods. “I will be away for six days.”


That long? He looks at her hands on her lap and gently envelops them with his own, pouring out his yearning for her in that small gesture. Shin Hye looks at him, startled. But she does not pull back her hands from his grip. He brings her hands to his lips and kisses it.


“Keun Suk-ssi…” Shin Hye calls out softly.


“Good night, Shin Hye. I’ll see you again tomorrow.”


Good night. But it will be miles to go before I sleep tonight, Oppa. No thanks to you.

“You’re right. I am scared. What if I am just a passing fancy to you? What if I lose you right away? What if…? So many questions. But I guess I have to take the risks if I really want to be with you. Just like you do.”




CHAPTER 8

REALITY BITES



Shin Hye has been staring at her room’s ceiling for the past hour, sprawled in bed, sleep miles away from her mind. It has been a long day and a long night for her and her heart has been really busy. Too many emotions going on inside her she doesn’t know what to feel anymore. Oppa likes me. And my heart is so happy I can actually feel I am floating with joy. It was the first time someone she really likes actually told her he likes her, too. The world has stopped spinning since Keun Suk told her at the restaurant that he wanted to know her more. Everything happened in slow motion since then. Even her breathing. He likes her. She actually heard him said those words. She even saw the expression in his eyes. He felt his lips on her hand. It was real, right? It was not a dream. It was not a scene in a drama. This is reality.


Then why is there a big BUT hanging in your head, girl? Shin Hye thinks of Keun Suk’s smile just before he drove away and she feels butterflies fluttering inside her chest once again. So that was how it feels seeing the guy you most like in the world smile back at you knowing that he likes you, too. It felt heavenly but there are questions that are trying to dampen her euphoria right now.


The what ifs.


Shin Hye knows the realities of being in the limelight. She is aware that she is a public property, everything she does can be a piece of news. Anything that comes out of her mouth can be twisted to fit someone else’s fantasies. She lives in a world where everything can be magnified way out of proportions. She knows how that kind of reality can threaten relationships for people like her and even destroy them.


And so does Keun Suk. He lives in that kind of world, too. Which makes everything a little more complicated, she sighs solemnly in the darkness of her room. If we date, can we do it before the public eye? Knowing Keun Suk, she knows they will. Will his fans understand? Will it not hurt his career to date another actress like me? She knows his growing popularity is just starting to take off. He has a large fan base consisting of women both in Korea and abroad. And God only knows how they are going to take it if they find out their idol is already dating someone. Will they like me? Will they leave him because of me?


You are overreacting, Shin Hye, a small voice scoffs at her. Just deal with it when the problem presents itself to you. But she knows his career is more at risk than hers when it comes to having relationships and making them public. Hallyu loves an unattached male celebrity more than anything else. Only a few brave souls actually muster the courage to admit their true relationship status to the public regardless of the consequences. And only a handful of these are lucky enough to still maintain their popularity as bankable stars. She cringes at the thought of what will happen to Keun Suk if things get out of hand.


But what if Keun Suk does not have any plan of making their dating public? That would be the most logical thing for him to do. But that would hurt me to no end. She suddenly tears up at the thought. This is her first time to like a guy and be liked in return. She feels her affection towards him growing everyday. She loves his company. She wants to be with him. She wants to be acknowledged as his girl. His. She wants to let the whole world know that he likes her, that he picks her among all the beautiful girls around him. She would love that to happen. She would like him to do that.


But she knows that it would be selfish of her to ask that from him. She would like him to decide on that on his own. But she is afraid to hope. She clutches her chest and whispers to him in the dark, Oppa, are you sure you like me? It will not be easy, do you know that? Am I worth it? Are you worth it?


It is the night of the Music Awards and Shin Hye sits inside her dressing room waiting for him. Her part of the show has already been concluded and she has already changed to warmer and more comfortable clothes, finally getting rid of the black dress she wore in presenting an award with Yong Hwa. That has been her last part for the show but Keun Suk is still out there hosting, and hopefully wrapping it up already for the finale, she prays as she checks her watch.


Hosting the second part of the show with him has been a great experience. Their spiels, especially her entrance, had been received well by the fans and that boosted their confidence to do their jobs well. They were both happy to be together on stage and she knew it registered well with the audience. They were having fun, especially Keun Suk who couldn’t help to tease her even in front of the audience. She was not really prepared to sing at all tonight but because of his prodding she was forced to. And he even picked the wrong song! That was not her song in the drama. She never performed it at all. No wonder she messed up the lyrics. But the fans didn’t seem to care at all, did they? Thanks to him and his charms.


Just after she made her exit in the second part, Keun Suk told her that he would like to drive her home after the awards. “But that would mean waiting for me to finish it,” he explained. But he said he would really like to be with her before she leaves for Nepal tomorrow and could she be so kind to grant his wish for tonight? Who could say no to a disarming smile like his?


He even went on his way to tell her manager about it which naturally drew questioning stares from him and her stylist. But Shin Hye was not prepared to explain things to them yet so she just gave them a shy smile and pretended that it was just the most natural thing in the world for her to wait for Jang Keun Suk in a dressing room in the middle of an awards show.


“I can actually see the words SCANDAL written both on your faces just now,” her manager tells her in mock sarcasm as he left her alone. She gave him a timid hug to hide her embarrassment.


She hears a knock on her door then a head appears. “Shin Hye-ssi?” It is Manager Lee. She bows down in acknowledgment. “Let me accompany you to the van waiting at the parking lot. Keun Suk will be with you shortly. He just wanted to meet his fans for a while,” his manager explains.


Shin Hye suddenly feels shy before his presence. Like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar, she wonders on what he must be thinking right now. Does he know about her and Keun Suk? Does he like her for him? She bites her lips anxiously.


“I made you wait for almost an hour!” Keun Suk admonishes himself when he finally settles down in the van beside her.


She feels relieve to see him at last. “It’s okay. Where is Manager Lee?” she asks him when the van starts to move.


“He brought his own car with him,” he explains. “Ah, I’m starving after all that excitement. Can we eat first before I see you home?”


She nods, her eyes shining with amusement. Now that they are seeing each other in a new light, she half expected him to treat her a little more awkwardly than before but after last night, he regards her no differently like he normally do. His gazes may be gentler and longer, his smiles a little more intimate but he is still the Oppa he knows. No putting his best foot forward. No sugar coating. He even just made himself more comfortable with her, actually. And that suits her just fine.


It still amazes her how they really became so comfortable together like they have known each other for years. ”Because of that deep kiss we shared,” he would tease her whenever people asked how comfortable their relationship was on the set of the drama. He was of course referring to the CF they made together. But they both know that was not the reason. They just clicked.


“Let’s stop for awhile at a drive through, please,” he tells the driver. “I have to show you a place I usually visit when I want to be alone. And the best time to visit is at night or early morning. The best place to eat a take-out dinner, too,” he explains to her.


“Bukak Skyway?” she guesses.


His eyes widens, surprised. “How did you know that?”


“Everybody goes there, oppa,” she jokes. “But I go there, too, when I want to clear my thoughts.”


“You’ve never been there with me,” he says matter-of-factly. She looks at him, not surprised to see laughter in his eyes.


“You bet.”



She looks at the panoramic view of the city below them and closes her eyes. Coming here never fails to de-stress her mind of all her worries. But until tonight, being here never gave her the happiness she feels right now, standing close to him. The most beautiful view in the city with her most favourite guy in the world – what else could she ask for?


“Can you keep a little secret?” Keun Suk asks her, his eyes fixed at the twinkling lights of the city below.


"Certainly,” she says, raising her pinkie finger. He laughs.


“When I miss someone I like, I don’t literally tell that person that I miss her. I find it too cheesy to do that,” he begins. “I have my own subtle way of telling I miss you.”


She furrows her brows in curiosity. “What?”


“I do weird things to catch her attention.”


“Like what?”


He tousles her hair. “You will find out soon enough.”


Thankful that the darkness can hide her blushing cheeks, she nods her head and quietly says, “Ok.”


“Can I ask you a question, Oppa?” she musters the courage to speak. Let me be bolder tonight, she asks the stars silently.


“Only if you will let me hold your hand,” he says, reaching for her hand. He laces his fingers with hers which momentarily clouds her mind.


His hands are cold from the chilly air. “Are you…I mean, have you…Do you really want to date me?” the words come out a little incoherently.


He opens up her palm and starts to write with his finger, “Yes”.


“Privately?”


He arches his eyebrow. “Not telling the public, you mean?”


She nods.


“Do you want me not to?”


“It would be logical for you not to tell them,” she reasons out. I will try to understand.


He looks at her face probingly. “Do you want to date me, Shin Hye?”


She bites her lip at the question, momentarily taken aback. “Yes,” she whispers softly, locking her gaze with his.


He creases his forehead. “Why?”


She blushes even more. “Because I like you, too, Oppa. I want to be with you.” It feels great to finally admit it.


His face lights up in a warm smile. “Then I guess we will have to do it your way. What do you think?”


“I would like us to be honest with everyone, Oppa,” she says in a quiet voice. “But in the world we live in, too much honesty can sometimes bring more harm to us than good.”


He nods in agreement, reading her thoughts. “Then let’s not deny or confirm anything. What they see is what they get. Let them guess and speculate. They won’t hear any confirmation from us. At least not for now.”


“How about what you really want, Oppa?” she asks, knowing that he has not told her yet what he wanted to do.


“If you were not Park Shin Hye, I would not be worrying much whether everybody knows I am dating you or not. I don’t care much on what everyone else is thinking. But you are not just some nameless girl in the crowd. I have to protect you as much as you’d like to protect me,” he tells her, stroking her head tenderly.


Her heart is already bursting in small happy pieces but she has to ask one more question. “Oppa, how will I know that you will miss me for the next six days?”


He ponders on her question for a second before answering her in the poker face she has grown to love. “Maybe I’ll get a perm just to crack you up.”


And before she can burst out in laughter, he swoops in for that much-awaited deep kiss. A real kiss, this time.



~0o0~

Wow, this is really good. I just finished chapter one, and it was pretty funny. I can totally picture what is happening. This is a "could happen" kind of story. I really like it.

Be back to comment some more after I'm done reading the rest. But really good so far.

Edit: Wow, this is amazing. I love it. It's so good and like sunshine-girl said, it's so close to reality. As I was reading this, I was laughing and smiling. It ws so cute. I really really love. I can't wait for an update. Thanks for sharing.

Hello my dear favorite Geun Suk & Shin Hye fanfic writer....
thank you so much for posting your fanfic and share with us here ^^ it's really amazing! and because it's so close to real life that make me love reading your fanfics : )

Love your fanfics about the SBS drama awards as well xDD <3

please post more in the future!! how about a fanfic of GS & SH on We Got Married?? xDDD
I just posted a request on MBC board about our couple....i really hope they will consider it T__T

hi there, 13sunshine! thanks to you for inviting me to post here.

hmm, WGM sounds fun but i have to admit i haven't watched an episode of it yet so i'm totally clueless about the show BUT let's
see...give me sometime to familiarize myself with the show and maybe i can write a fanfic about Sukkie and Shin Hye in it!


hi to all who took the time to read this fanfic. hope you like it.

i was supposed to be on my way home from work when i chanced upon this.... and i was hooked! (: it really is a great read. i'm not quite finished yet, though, aaahhh! i'll have to continue reading at home.

great job! (: i could feel the story unraveling while thinking of the both of them... will definitely finish this before the night ends. am looking forward to read more of your works!

Edit: okay, i just finished the whole thing. it's past 1AM, and i'm supposed to be awake and alert at 6...but i just couldn't stop reading!!! this is just too good to pass up.

thanks for sharing! i'm looking forward for more works from you. preferably those JGS-PSH related.

Dear....can you please post your other fanfics up too? is it too much to ask?
please post the SBS drama awards one!! i love that one!! ^^ <3