Filipino Song for the Holidays



(Sung to the tune of WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND)

Christmas rush, are you list'ning
In the lanes, cops are whist'ling
A horrible sight, another long night
Caught in a Manila Traffic Jam.

There's a jam in Ayala
There's a flood in Buendia
A bus cuts me here, a truck hits my rear
Caught in a Manila Traffic Jam.

It will be this way until Tayuman
We'll see jeepneys stopped when they should go
We'll ask, "Nasiraan?" He'll say, "No man."
Naghihintay ako ng pasahero!"

Later on, we'll perspire
As we fix a flat tire.
We're moving so slow, we can't seem to go.
Caught in a Manila Traffic Jam.



wahahaha kulet

PINOY NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS



Da night bepor Christmas
An all tru da house
Nating pas
Not eben a mouse.

Da children dey nossie
all snog on da ploor
An Mama puts newspepper
Tru da crack on da dor.

Den Mama in da stobe
Roost up da manuk
Steer up da adobo
An make bake da biko.

Den out on da rud
Dey got such a clatter
Soun like old manong
Pull down da ladder.

I run so past
To open da dor
I trip ober da dog
An paull down on da ploor!

As I look out da dor
In da light ob da moon
I tinking "apo, you cresy
I'm gitting old too soon."

Becus dere on da rud
Wer I turn my head
Dere's eight carabao
Pulling a sled
An a little driber
Wit a big ishtick
I know right away
must be St Nick.

Mob paster an paster
Da carabao dey come
He wistle an holler
An call dem by nim:
"Oy, Boogy!
Oy, Ninoy!
Oy, Dong!, an' Bebe!
Ay, Inday!
Ay, Melda!
Cory, an Maria!"

To da top ob da porch
To da top ob da wall
Crawl da carabao
An dey neber pull.

Uncle Onsing's pighting chicken
Ober da rooptop he ply
Wen da big dog
He running by

Up to da porch
Da carabao he clim!
Wit da sled pull of toys
An St Nicklas behin.

Den on top of da porch roop
It soun like hell
Wer all dem carabaos
Sit down on der till.

Den down da chimney
I yill por long time
As St Nicolas pull down
An sit on de pire

"Jesus-Maria-Sep!", he exclim
"My pant hab a hole
Wen I sit down
On da rid hot coal,"
An jump like a cat
out to da ploor
Where he lan wit a splot!

He was dress in pur
Prom his head to his poot
An his clothes dey all dirty
Wit ashes an soot
A sock pull ob playting
He trow on his back
He look like a boorglar
An dats por a pahct.
His eyes how dey shine
His dimple, how mirrey!
Mebe he alredy drink
Da wine prom da birry.
His chik was like a rose
His nose like a chirry
On secon tought mebe
He drink up da shirry.

Wit snu-white chin wisker
An quibering billy
He shik wen he lop
Like da strubirry jelly!

But a wink in his eye
An a shake ob his hid
Mik my compidence dot
I no nid to be skirred.

He don' talk
He juss go to his woork
Put playting in sock.

An den he turn wit a jerk
He put bot his han
On top ob his hid
An look up da chimney

An den he said
"Wit all dat pire
An dat burning hot plim
I no go back
De sim way I kim."

So he run out da door
An he clim up da roop
He is no pool
Por to make one more goop.

He jump to his slid
An crock his big wip
Da carabaos mob down
An don mik one slip

An I hir him shout loud
Wit da carabaos he ply
"Mirry Christmas to all!
An to all a goodbye!"
......end.....

Signature Brands



Ito na lang ang bilhin mo signatures na signatures ang dating.

CK

---

Cavite Kamiseta.
YSL

---

Yari Sa Laguna.
UCB

---

Under the Coconut tree in Baclaran.
DKNY

---

Divisoria Kanto Ng Ylaya.

At pag suot mo tong mga to pre, pang GQ model ang dating mo sa magazines:
GQ

---

Galing Quiapo

---

Watch the Exit



Police Chief: "Guards, may nakawalang hoodlum! Bantayan ang mga exits!"
Later...
Guard: "Sir, nakatakas ang hoodlum."
Police Chief: "Paano nangyari iyun?"
Guard: "Sir, sa entrance siya dumaan."

Flashlight

Sira-ulo #1: "Kaya mo bang tumawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?"
Sira-ulo #2: "Ayoko nga, ano ako, sira? e paano kung pinatay mo ang ilaw, e di mahulog pa ako. Wa-is ito, hehehe"

Sintomas ng mga Sobra Adik sa Chat

1. pasmado ang kamay 2. ulcer 3. lumulobong eyebags 4. warak na warak na bladder 5. tumatawa kahit walang tao 6. nagsasalita kahit walang tao 7. kinikilig habang tumitipa sa keyboard 8. nagkwekwento na gumagalaw ang daliri kahit walang keyboard 9. delingkwente sa trabaho at eskwela 10. lumiligaya ng sekswal kahit hindi nahihipo (psst... mga nagsa-cyber diyan..lol.) 11. kapag naiinis..parang gusto mag .(dot) kill 12. Walang kaibigan na me pangalang normal... 13. Hindi na kilala ng pamilya... 14. nanginginig kapag nalalayo sa computer 15. madalas manigas ang daliri 16. Inaatake ng kung anu-anong sakit kapag nasisira ang modem/down ang ISP 17. Kapag nakakarinig ng paulit ulit na nagsasalita na tao ang isinisigaw eh "stop flooding" 18. Ayaw ng maglunch pag nakaumpisang magchat 19. Overstay sa office instead of overtime. 20. ASL pa rin ang tanong pag nakikipagkilala in person. 21. BRB pa rin ang sinasabi sa teacher o sa Boss kung pupunta sa CR.. 22. When they greet someone, they say, "Hello Everybuddy!!! 23. Before leaving, they say "5...4...3...2...1... Bye Everybuddy!!! 24. When they see a girl, or someone who looks like one, they'll say Muaaaahhhh!!!"25. Living out their fantasies in the chat room, like kissing a girl or someone who looks like a girl, or someone pretending to be a girl…..can't do that in reality kaya sa chat room na lang. 26. Their typing speed is 100 words per minute. 27. Laughs like this, "Bwahahahahah!"........Hak Hak Hak " 30. Always gives a fake age and sex 31. Pag natutulog at nagising, unang dinig "Welcome or You got mail" ...Lol 32. Laging mataas ang Phone Bill, kahit nasa Africa tinatawagan. 33. Kahit nasaan, `pag may nakitang Comp. IRC agad ang nasa isip. 34. May blackbook na dala , pero puro screen name ang nakasulat instead real name. 35. Puro punters and tosser pinag uusapan, wala ng iba sa personal. 36. pag may nakilala kahit hindi onliners tanong agad "Chatter ka?" 37. Puro onliners ang GF o BF, ayaw ng nde onliner. 38. Laging nasa gimik ng IRC at kilala ang mga members. 39. Wall paper sa kwarto puro pic ng mga onliners. Lol 40. Laging nag-iisip kung anong nick name ang next na gagamitin. 41. Minumura si chanserv at nickserv kapag "currently down"..(nde kasi nila makukuha ang OP status nila!!)

Capacity


Anak: (nagbasa) elektrikity. Mama: Anak, Electricity yan dindi electrikity. Anak: Mama, ito ang turo ng titser namin. Bakit ka ba nakiki-alam? Mama: (galit pumunta sa skol.) Mam, bakit tinuturuan mo ng mali ang anak ko? Instead of electricity, elektrikity ang tinuro mo. Titser: Hay naku, Manang, bobo talaga yang anak mo. Yan lang ang kanyang mental Kapakity eh (capacity).



magbigay ka ng 3 prutas na nagtatapos sa letter “T”
example : coconut

ano pa

ito pa kung nahi2rapan ka Duhat..

isa na lng mrami pa !!

bananat,bayabat,ubat,santot,


Male or Female?


A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’ ‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2 The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (‘el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Test kung may sayad ka


This is all about really funny filipino jokes featuring test kung may sayad ka.(Continue reading below...)




Si Juan ay bumisita sa isang mental hospital at siya'y nag-usisa para sa kanyang school assignment.

Juan: Papaano nyo po ba nalalaman kung talagang me sayad ang pasyenteng dinadala sa dito?

Doktor: Ganito yun. Pinupuno namin ng tubig ang isang bath tub. Tapos, iaabot namin sa pasyente ang kutsara, tasa at balde at uutusan namin siyang limasin o tanggalin nya ang tubig sa bathtub. Titingnan namin ngayon kung ano ang gagamitin niya sa tatlo.

Juan: Magaling, siguradong pipiliin ng normal na tao ang balde para mabilis na maubos ang tubig!

Doktor: Mali! Kapag normal ang isang tao, tatanggalin lang niya ang plug (yung tapon na nakabara sa butas) ng bathtub!

[(kayo pumili ba kayo sa tatlo? me sayad ba kayo?

EASY JAPANESE-FILIPINO TRANSLATION

Most of these Japanese words are adopted by Filipino language.

I'm warning you - makikitamo

Where are we going? - San-batayo?

Stewardees - Oto-san

Is this your car? - Otomoto?

This is my car - Otokoto

Sugar daddy/mommy - Otooto

Is this your property? - Arimoto?

Yes, this is my property - Arikoto

Is this yours? - Sayobato or sayoto?

Is this mine? - Sakinbatu

This is mine - Sakinitu

Can I have it? - Akinato?

You can have it - Sayonato

Can we have it? - Saminato?

You can have it - Sanyonato (plural)

You haven't washed your face - Mimutamatamo

You're so thin! - Kitanabutomo

We saw each other - Kitakami

We had reunion - Kitakitakami

Have a drink before you go - Tomakamuna

That was my assumption - Inakarako

Let's go! - Bachinatayo!

We will boycott the election - Dikamiboboto

Underarm odor - Kirikiripawa

Are you oppressed? - Minamatakaba?

I give up - Sukonako

Ouch! - Araiku!

What life is this - Hainaku

I'm going to leave you - Sawanakosayo

Just take it! - Sayonarang!

Skeleton - purobuto

You look like your mom - kamukamumamamu

You look like your dad - kamukamupapamu

Ugly - kamukamu or kamukanya

Pretty or handsome - kamukaku

Full of monkey - kamukanyo

Are you nervous? - kakabakabakaba?

Are you a loyal customer? - sukikaba?

Later - sakana

I surrender - sukunako

Just surrender - sukukanakasi

Remember? - naaararamo?

I remember - naaararako

Go and work! - ararona!

Can you see? - kitamoba?

I told you - nakitamo?

Let's go to your place - sanyotayo

EASY ENGILISH-FILIPINO TRANSLATION

Contemplate - konte ang mga pinggan

Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol

Ice Buko - oks ang buhok ko

Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis

Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya

Devastation - sakayan ng bus

Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas

Statue - Ikaw ba yan?

Tissue - Ikaw nga!

Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa

Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo

Deduct - Ang pato

Defeat - Ang mga paa

Detail - Ang buntot

Deposit - Gripo

Diploma - taga ayos ng tubo

City - Bago mag-utsu

Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna

Persuading - Unang Kasal

Depress - Ang nagkasal o kaya'y dyaryo

Defense - bakod sa bahay

It depends - Kainin mo ang bakod

Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (hik!)

Delusion - Maluwang (kung maluwang
ang damit, e delusion!)

Profit - Patunayan mo

Balance Sheet - What comes out after
eating a balanced diet

Backlog - bacon saka egg

Beehive - magpakatino ka

CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto

Debug - ang ipis

Defrag - ang palaka

Defer - ang balahibo

Deflate - ang plato

Detest - ang eksamin

Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V

Devote - ang boto o sasakyang pantubig

Dilemma - brownout o kaya'y hindi anim

Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane

Forums - apat na kwarto

July - nagsinungaling ka ba?

Thesis - sakit

diaper

Kapag umiiyak ang baby, i PAMPERS mo!

Kapag umiiyak pa rin, i KIMBIES mo!

Pag ayaw pa ring tumigil sa pag-iyak aba'y, i HUGGIES mo na!!


TAMANG TRANSLATION NG MGA KANTA


Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know! - Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga!

You Should Know By Now - Alam Mo Na Dapat Ngayon Yan, Tanga!

Sometimes When We Touch - Minsan Kapag Tayo'y Naghihipuan

Touch Me In The Morning - Hipuan Mo Ko Sa Umaga

Stairway To Heaven - Mula Paa Hanggang Singit

Hurt So Good - Array, ang Sarrap!

Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Maitim Ang Puso

I Left My Heart In San Francisco - Walang akong Puso ngayon

King And Queen Of Hearts - Tong-itan at pusuyan!

Pretty Woman - AKO yun o kaya'y di ikaw yun!

Hey Jude - Hoy Hudas! Barabas!

Power Of Love - Buntis

How Deep Is Your Love - Gaano Kalalim ang sa iyo

Three Times A Lady - Super Bakla

More Than A Woman - Tomboy (T-Bird)

Can't Be With You Tonight - Meron Ako Ngayon